IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people say it is manufactures' and supermarkets’ responsibility to reduce the amount of packing of products they sell and others say it is the consumers’ responsibility to avoid buying products with too much packaging. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
These days, packaging has become a serious matter for the environment.
While
Linking Words
 some people argue that products need to be lightly packed in industries and stores, others think that the customer should avoid buying those goods which are heavily packed. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will discuss both views and share my opinion. 
Instead
Linking Words
 of spending too much money on proper packaging, industries must find alternative ways to pack their final goods. Each product needs to have the perfect
package
Use synonyms
 in order to reduce waste.
For example
Linking Words
, Amazon, one of the largest e-commerce companies, delivers its goods in a much larger
package
Use synonyms
 compared to the size of the product.
For
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 reason, the shipment costs are bigger and,
in addition
Linking Words
, the customer gets more responsibility to dispose of waste properly. 
On the other hand
Linking Words
, consumers should
also
Linking Words
 take responsibility for the environment by choosing more environmentally friendly packaging like reusable or biodegradable bags.
This
Linking Words
 can be achieved if they start carrying their own bag to the supermarket, which will lead to a
fewer
Correct word choice
lower
show examples
 consumption of plastic bags.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, people need to focus more on the quality of the product rather than the packaging.
For instance
Linking Words
, if there is the possibility to buy fruits and vegetables in paper bags
instead
Linking Words
 of plastic, we should take it because
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
paper is a more recyclable and reusable material.  In conclusion, I fervently believe that both supermarkets and consumers should focus less on the
package
Use synonyms
 by providing us with a more biodegradable
package
Use synonyms
 or even those that can be used more than once.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Although the essay introduces the topic clearly in the introduction, further elaboration on the conclusion could strengthen the overall argument. Make it clear how shared responsibility could be the ultimate solution—or if you side more with one group over the other, clarify why.
coherence cohesion
While the essay has a good logical structure, try to use more cohesive devices to smoothly transition between points. Words like 'Moreover,' 'Additionally,' or phrases like 'As a result,' can help make your argument flow more naturally.
coherence cohesion
To better support main points, include more detailed examples or statistical data to substantiate your claims. Both the manufacturer and consumer responsibility arguments could benefit from specific case studies or research that reinforce your premises.
task achievement
The essay does well in addressing both perspectives, presenting a balanced view on an important environmental issue.
coherence cohesion
The introduction effectively sets the stage for the topic, clearly outlining what will be discussed.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion ties the essay together by reiterating the shared responsibility, leaving readers with a clear takeaway message.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: