IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Cycling is more environmentally friendly than other forms of transport. Why is it not popular in many places? And how to increase its popularity?

#forms #transport #places #popularity
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Currently,
although
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 cycling does not cause environmental problems like other sorts of vehicles, it is difficult to become popular on roads. The root cause of
this
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 is
due to
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 slow speed and physical demands.
However
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, operating several campaigns is a good way to stimulate publication utilising
bikes
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.
Firstly
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, One of the principal reasons for
this
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 is the slow pace of bicycles.
In other words
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, riding
bikes
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 cannot reach destinations as fast as any transport on the roads.
Consequently
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, it is not suitable for busy
people
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 who need to end up at certain places punctually so individuals tend to use the other vehicles
instead
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 of the
bikes
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.
For example
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, in 2019, the New York Times showed that 20000 workers gave up biking and transferred to cars because they seemed that cycling was not fast enough to commute to their offices.
Secondly
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, another cause is that cycling
also
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 requires
people
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 to have strong physical health. To be more specific, unlike some transports, there are no engines inside the
bikes
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 so
people
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 easily get exhausted and burn out
while
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 riding them.
Furthermore
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,
bikes
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 cannot protect
people
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 from several poor conditions which occur on the roads like bad weather , and debris.
For instance
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, 5% of riders in Thailand did not use their
bikes
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 any more because they were not able to endure the heavy rain that happened constantly throughout 6 months.
Nevertheless
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, conducting some marches is one of the methods in order to enhance the number of the population using bicycles. It must be recognized that these campaigns
also
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 warn
people
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 about the drawbacks of engined vehicles as they can threaten to habitats of humans, predominantly pollution.
As a result
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, the publication will be aware of the need to possess the
bikes
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 and take them in more usage. Take Vietnam as an example here, where 2 social campaigns conducted every 3 months from 2020
also
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 made 50000 bicycles appear on Vietnamese paths. In conclusion, riding a bicycle is far as becoming common in the ways because of its slow speed
as well as
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 the demand for physical health.
However
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, making social marches is an excellent way to encourage bicycle use .
Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on

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task achievement
Some sentences contain grammatical inaccuracies and awkward phrasing, making it difficult to follow the argument at times. Revising these sentences for clarity and grammatical precision would improve task response and coherence.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents valid points, but the logical flow between ideas could be improved. Use more transitional phrases to bridge different sections smoothly.
task achievement
Include real-world evidence and examples to bolster the points made. The essay contains some examples, but adding more specific cases or data would make the argument more compelling.
coherence cohesion
Strengthen the conclusion by summarizing the main points more effectively and providing a strong final statement.
task achievement
The essay covers both parts of the prompt, addressing reasons why cycling is not popular and suggesting ways to increase its popularity.
task achievement
Examples like the New York Times and Vietnam campaigns make the argument more tangible and relatable.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, and they effectively frame the essay.
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