Nowadays, some older people choose to live in the retirement communities with other people, rather than living with their adult children. Is it a positive or negative development?

#people #retirement #communities #adult #children #development

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Today, it is

common

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a common

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belief that the old select to live in

the

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apply

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aged care placements after retirement. some people argue that it has negative effects.

However

Linking Words

, I think it will

overweigh

Verb problem

outweigh

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negative

Correct article usage

the negative

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effects. It can be good

Change preposition

for

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mental health and take the burden off their children. On the one hand, the elderly live in retirement,

Submitted by dlwhdgur6575 on Mon Dec 04 2023

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task achievement

Although you have attempted to address the essay topic, your response remains incomplete and lacks a conclusion. Furthermore, you have not fully developed your arguments, and they need more support and explanation. Consider expanding your essay to include both sides of the argument in detail, giving sufficient reasons and examples to support your points.

coherence cohesion

Your essay displays a lack of logical structure, and you have not provided a clear introduction and conclusion. The development of main points is insufficient and needs more coherence. Work on linking your ideas more effectively and use paragraphing to ensure that each main point is clearly presented and expanded upon.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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1
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

3 paragraphs

57 words

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Nowadays, some older people choose to live in the retirement communities with other people, rather than living with their adult children. Is it a positive or negative development?

Fully explain your ideas

Public transporation is essential but problematic. Describe soem of the problems connected to the public transportation and suggest some solutions.

Some people prefer to travel by car while others prefer to take the bicycle. Which of these do you prefer? What are the advantages and disadvantages of traveling by a car and a bicycle?

Throughout history, male leaders often made society more violent and conflicting. If women governed the world, the world would be more peaceful. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Many things at home which were done by hand are now done by machines. What problems are caused by this phenomenon? What can be done to tackle those problems?

In many countries, childhood obesity is a growing problem. What are the reasons for this and what can individuals and governments do to tackle the problem?