IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Developing the economy will always damage the environment. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#economy #damage #environment
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Some
people
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 say that there will always be a detrimental effect on nature
due to
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 the progress of the economy. I partially agree with
this
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, for an accelerating speed of excavation of natural
resources
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 in spite of the growing awareness of the importance of protecting wildlife. On one hand, the improvement of the economy will impose certain damages on the
environment
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 as
people
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 drill more oil and gas from the land.
In other words
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, more trees are cut down in the mountains to obtain
such
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 valuable
resources
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 to produce various items in life.
For instance
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,
people
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 vehemently keep excavating the
environment
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 to access the precious natural
resources
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, which are the very sources of many products including clothing and furniture, day and night to make more profits in markets.
Furthermore
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, as their shortage has become more severe, more widespread sites are destroyed by drilling machines.
This
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 will result in the growing loss of habitats for wild animals and plants, which raises the risk of their extinction.
On the other hand
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, the improvement of economic activities will not necessarily cause harm to the
environment
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 because of their rising values among many
people
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 today. Indeed, they tend to shift their dependence from natural
resources
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 to technology. Practically, more paper is replaced by digital data, which has dramatically reduced the need to destroy the land and trees.
Moreover
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, the amount of waste has declined rapidly, making air and water intact from the pollution.
Nevertheless
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,
such
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 paperless movement still facilitates communication and transactions between salespersons and customers without any damage to wildlife. In conclusion, I somewhat agree that the development of the economy will always come with the price of the
environment
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 as
people
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 try to drill more oil and gas to produce more items.
However
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, less damage will be expected in the wild in the future thanks to their altering lifestyle which is more reliant on technology.
Submitted by mizuho on

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Examples
Consider offering more explicit examples to support your arguments, making your reasoning even more convincing.
Coherence
To enhance your essay's coherence, ensure your paragraphs flow smoothly from one to the next through the use of more varied transitional phrases.
Structure
You presented a well-structured argument, acknowledging both sides of the debate before arriving at a nuanced conclusion.
Introduction & Conclusion
Your introduction and conclusion were clear and effectively bookended your argument, demonstrating a strong grasp on the structure.
Insight
You successfully related advances in technology to potential positive outcomes for the environment, showing an insightful approach to the topic.
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