In some countries young people have less leisure time and under a lot of pressure to work hard in their studies. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?
Plenty of
the
continents have a large population of youngsters suffering from school pressure and a lack of Correct article usage
apply
time
to rest. The main issue is that students experiencing stress from studies
often develop serious illnesses or an increased risk of suicide.
First of all, constant focus on education and no Correct pronoun usage
their studies
time
for relaxation can cause diseases such
as anemia
or insomnia. Overwhelming strain without breaks for leisure can lead to a sedentary lifestyle. Change the spelling
anaemia
This
means that the organism will undergo a minimum amount of physical activities and will be fixed in one position for a long time
. As a result
, pupils will not adapt to such
a stress-related routine and may resort to suicide to be free from pressure.
Secondly
, to cope with the problems listed above, the school system should provide a new form of education with a more stress-free atmosphere during lessons. For example
, teenagers can select only interesting subjects related to their future careers and will not be forced to learn unnecessary lectures. Moreover
, the principles of high schools ought to suggest a more flexible and convenient schedule, thus
allowing time
for rest.
To sum up
, many countries experience a hard time
with a stressful and busy young generation that can lead to severe illnesses. However
, in the possible future, colleagues can become more innovative and offer individual choices for each student or supply a more resilient timetable.Submitted by dnm.best on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
coherence cohesion
The essay adequately attempts to address the prompt, but there is a need for clearer structure and more effective paragraphing. Ensure that every paragraph has a central idea and logical connection to others.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion were present but could be stronger. Make sure to clearly restate the topic and provide a summary of main points in the conclusion. The introduction should more effectively set the stage for the discussion.
coherence cohesion
Main points need better support and development. Each point raised should be followed by specific examples or explanations that reinforce the argument.
task achievement
While the response to the task is relatively complete, it could benefit from deeper analysis and discussion of causes and solutions, directly linking to the prompt.
task achievement
Ideas presented in the essay need to be explained more thoroughly and clearly. Aim for more depth and detail in explaining the causes and proposing solutions.
task achievement
The use of specific examples is critical in IELTS essays. Ensure that each main point is anchored with relevant and illustrative examples.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?