IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In some countries young people have less leisure time and under a lot of pressure to work hard in their studies. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?

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Plenty of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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continents have a large population of youngsters suffering from school pressure and a lack of
time
Use synonyms
 to rest. The main issue is that students experiencing stress from
studies
Correct pronoun usage
their studies
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 often develop serious illnesses or an increased risk of suicide. First of all, constant focus on education and no
time
Use synonyms
 for relaxation can cause diseases
such
Linking Words
 as
anemia
Change the spelling
anaemia
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 or insomnia. Overwhelming strain without breaks for leisure can lead to a sedentary lifestyle.
This
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 means that the organism will undergo a minimum amount of physical activities and will be fixed in one position for a long
time
Use synonyms
.
As a result
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, pupils will not adapt to
such
Linking Words
 a stress-related routine and may resort to suicide to be free from pressure.
Secondly
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, to cope with the problems listed above, the school system should provide a new form of education with a more stress-free atmosphere during lessons.
For example
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, teenagers can select only interesting subjects related to their future careers and will not be forced to learn unnecessary lectures.
Moreover
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, the principles of high schools ought to suggest a more flexible and convenient schedule,
thus
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 allowing
time
Use synonyms
 for rest.
To sum up
Linking Words
, many countries experience a hard
time
Use synonyms
 with a stressful and busy young generation that can lead to severe illnesses.
However
Linking Words
, in the possible future, colleagues can become more innovative and offer individual choices for each student or supply a more resilient timetable.

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coherence cohesion
The essay adequately attempts to address the prompt, but there is a need for clearer structure and more effective paragraphing. Ensure that every paragraph has a central idea and logical connection to others.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion were present but could be stronger. Make sure to clearly restate the topic and provide a summary of main points in the conclusion. The introduction should more effectively set the stage for the discussion.
coherence cohesion
Main points need better support and development. Each point raised should be followed by specific examples or explanations that reinforce the argument.
task achievement
While the response to the task is relatively complete, it could benefit from deeper analysis and discussion of causes and solutions, directly linking to the prompt.
task achievement
Ideas presented in the essay need to be explained more thoroughly and clearly. Aim for more depth and detail in explaining the causes and proposing solutions.
task achievement
The use of specific examples is critical in IELTS essays. Ensure that each main point is anchored with relevant and illustrative examples.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • high expectations
  • academic success
  • future success
  • competitive nature
  • modern education systems
  • top grades
  • prestigious universities
  • high-paying jobs
  • rise of technology
  • social media platforms
  • physical activities
  • relaxation
  • extracurricular demands
  • multiple responsibilities
  • economic factors
  • lower-income families
  • part-time jobs
  • academic pressures
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