many chilren are encouraged by their parent to get a part time job. what are the advantages and disadvantages to children doing so?
Nowadays, increasing parents suggest their kids find temporary work after class. Some people consider
this
is beneficial for their development, which I side with.
It is undeniable that finding a part-time job for children may lead to some negative influences. Firstly
, the workplace and society are complex, they might be misled or cheated with an immature mind. Thus
, they will possibly find a dangerous job, which is harmful to their safety. Secondly
, most of the works are too energy-consumed for teenagers. As a result
, they will easily too feel tired to go to school. Moreover
, once they spend a lot of time earning money, their attention on studying will be distracted and their academic scores will dramatically decrease. Nevertheless
, the merits of part-time work for pupils are more obvious.
One is that this
practice is helpful in enhancing their comprehensive ability. For one, getting access to real jobs enables students to improve soft skills that they cannot learn from indoor lessons, such
as communication, corporating, etc. By doing this
, they can become more independent and diligent, and they can face challenges in life more bravely. For another, once the children try to earn money by themselves, they will truly understand how hard it is, which pushes them to manage and use cash more economically and reasonably.
In addition
, a temporary is crucial for teenagers to get more knowledge about careers. If they try to do several real jobs in the field, they can be more clear about what they are interested in. Therefore
, they are able to decide and prepare for their ideal job as early as possible, which helps them to save time and energy to explore their interest.
To summarise, there are more advantageous aspects of youngsters working to earn money in their free times
. Fix the agreement mistake
time
Thus
, to avoid the detrimental effects, it is advised that parents should help and guide their kids to find appropriate work in advance.Submitted by liumuxi568 on
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Task Achievement
Ensure that your introduction clearly states your position on the question. While your essay outlines your viewpoint, refining the introduction to explicitly state your opinion on the advantages outweighing the disadvantages would make your stance clearer to the reader.
Task Achievement
Support your main points with more specific examples. While you discuss general advantages and disadvantages, including more detailed examples or personal anecdotes could strengthen your arguments and make them more compelling.
Coherence and Cohesion
Maintain a logical flow in your essay. You've structured your essay well, but transitioning smoothly between paragraphs can further enhance the readability. Phrases like 'on the other hand' or 'in addition' can signal changes in your discussion more clearly.
Coherence and Cohesion
Revise for minor grammatical errors and ensure consistent verb tense usage throughout your essay. This will aid in clarity and cohesiveness. Paying close attention to sentence structure can also improve the overall presentation of your ideas.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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