IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people believe that children should be made disciplined by making them obey rules and do what their parents and teachers want them to do. Others, however, believe that those children who are controlled are not well-prepared to tackle the challenges life brings to them. Discuss both views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Nowadays, numerous people think that youngsters should be
made
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apply
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disciplined by making them obey rules and what their
parents
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 and
teachers
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 want them to do. But others, believe that those
children
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 who are not controlled are not well-prepared to tackle the challenges
life
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 brings to them. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss with views and explain the reasons.
Firstly
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, If
children
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 are following obey
rules
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the rules
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 given by
parents
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 and
teachers
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,
then
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 they are good citizens of the nation and made of discipline. To explain,
parents
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 and
teachers
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 always
guided
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guide
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to
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apply
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those for education and social skills with
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
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experienced
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experience
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 basis.
For example
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, as per a survey by BBC News, when
children
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 get proper guidance from family members and institutes
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then
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apply
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they learn a lot of things and easily understand the right or wrong path.
Hence
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, good
parents
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 always give valuable things to
our
Correct pronoun usage
their
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children
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 and help to improve their behaviours with others.
Secondly
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, sometimes
parents
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 are extra possessive of
children
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 they are always controlling with them. To
elobrate
Correct your spelling
illustrate
, If we are trying to exessive control
then
Linking Words
 worst effect on them. They do not
feeling
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feel
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 confident and
not
Add a missing verb
are not
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 a good decision maker in the future, and always in fear they are doing right or wrong work and not prepared for
the
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apply
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future problems
. .
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.
...
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For instance
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, as per a report by WHO, every
years
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year
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 thousands of people
died
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die
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due to
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 illness
of
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apply
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depression and not
tackles
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tackling
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 the challenges in
life
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.
The
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As the
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 results,
parents
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 help
to
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apply
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them to
prepared
Wrong verb form
prepare
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 to tackle every situation in
life
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. In conclusion,
boths
Correct your spelling
both
 are important for
children
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 to obey rules given by
parents
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 and
teachers
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, It helps to become good
citizen
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citizens
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 for them and learn a lot of things.
Parents
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gave
Wrong verb form
give
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 them some space but
looking
Wrong verb form
look at
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 their
activites
Correct your spelling
activities
,
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apply
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 so that they do not choose any wrong steps
on
Change preposition
in
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them
Change the pronoun
their
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Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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.

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task achievement
Your introduction lacks a clear thesis statement that presents your view. The essay's body paragraphs should have argued both views distinctively before providing your opinion. Carefully structure your paragraphs—one topic per paragraph. The conclusion should summarize your discussion and clearly state your position.
coherence cohesion
Work on ensuring each paragraph has a clear central idea, supported by cohesive devices. Topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph can help with this. Use a range of cohesive devices to link your ideas and sentences, and ensure that pronouns are used accurately and coherently. Give a logical sequence to your essay's argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • discipline
  • obedience
  • authority
  • responsibility
  • structure
  • decision-making
  • independence
  • personal development
  • guidance
  • positive reinforcement
  • cultural differences
  • authoritarian
  • freedom
  • self-discovery
  • academic performance
  • social skills
  • success
  • challenges of life
  • upbringing
What to do next:
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