Some people believe that children should be made disciplined by making them obey rules and do what their parents and teachers want them to do. Others, however, believe that those children who are controlled are not well-prepared to tackle the challenges life brings to them. Discuss both views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Nowadays, numerous people think that youngsters should be
made
Verb problem
apply
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disciplined by making them obey rules and what their
parents
and
teachers
want them to do. But others, believe that those
children
who are not controlled are not well-prepared to tackle the challenges
life
brings to them. In
this
essay, I will discuss with views and explain the reasons.
Firstly
, If
children
are following obey
rules
Correct article usage
the rules
show examples
given by
parents
and
teachers
,
then
they are good citizens of the nation and made of discipline. To explain,
parents
and
teachers
always
guided
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guide
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to
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apply
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those for education and social skills with
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
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experienced
Replace the word
experience
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basis.
For example
, as per a survey by BBC News, when
children
get proper guidance from family members and institutes
then
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apply
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they learn a lot of things and easily understand the right or wrong path.
Hence
, good
parents
always give valuable things to
our
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
children
and help to improve their behaviours with others.
Secondly
, sometimes
parents
are extra possessive of
children
they are always controlling with them. To
elobrate
Correct your spelling
illustrate
, If we are trying to exessive control
then
worst effect on them. They do not
feeling
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feel
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confident and
not
Add a missing verb
are not
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a good decision maker in the future, and always in fear they are doing right or wrong work and not prepared for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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future problems
. .
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.
...
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For instance
, as per a report by WHO, every
years
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year
show examples
thousands of people
died
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die
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due to
illness
of
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apply
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depression and not
tackles
Wrong verb form
tackling
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the challenges in
life
.
The
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As the
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results,
parents
help
to
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apply
show examples
them to
prepared
Wrong verb form
prepare
show examples
to tackle every situation in
life
. In conclusion,
boths
Correct your spelling
both
are important for
children
to obey rules given by
parents
and
teachers
, It helps to become good
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
show examples
for them and learn a lot of things.
Parents
gave
Wrong verb form
give
show examples
them some space but
looking
Wrong verb form
look at
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their
activites
Correct your spelling
activities
,
Remove the comma
apply
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so that they do not choose any wrong steps
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
them
Change the pronoun
their
show examples
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
Submitted by lavneet.kumar45 on

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task achievement
Your introduction lacks a clear thesis statement that presents your view. The essay's body paragraphs should have argued both views distinctively before providing your opinion. Carefully structure your paragraphs—one topic per paragraph. The conclusion should summarize your discussion and clearly state your position.
coherence cohesion
Work on ensuring each paragraph has a clear central idea, supported by cohesive devices. Topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph can help with this. Use a range of cohesive devices to link your ideas and sentences, and ensure that pronouns are used accurately and coherently. Give a logical sequence to your essay's argument.

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