A young person will start work at your office next month to gain work experience. Write a letter to him/her. In your letter ▪️Inform him/her about the work that needs to be done at the office; ▪️Explain what he/she is supposed to do on the first day; ▪️Suggest what he/she should bring to work

#person #work #office #month #gain #▪️inform #▪️explain #first #▪️suggest

Dear Alfian, I hope

this

letter finds you in good condition, my name is Ricardo, I am your employer and I will say welcome to Ajisaka

Company

. I am writing

this

letter to inform you about a couple of things. As we know,

this

company

have several

department

Change to a plural noun

departments

show examples

and you are in

advertising

Add an article

the advertising

show examples

department. For your information, you must solve your task or job on time at the

office

and be unable to do it at your home.

This

is the rule in our

company

. On your first day in

office

, I will suppose you to introduce yourself in front of all employees. In your introduction, you must mention your complete identity your goals why you are joining

this

company

In addition

, you can

explaining

Change the verb form

explain

be explaining

show examples

your skills,

therefore

, we are able to know about your abilities. For your obligation, you must bring your mobile phone to do your occupation at the

office

Besides

, you will be gaining a card identity and you must use it wherever and whenever during your time working in the

office

moreover

, when you meet with our client. yours sincerely Ricardo

Submitted by patricius.yohanes on Wed Jun 05 2024

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task achievement

You did a great job covering all the required points in the letter, including informing Alfian about the work, explaining the first day's tasks, and suggesting what to bring. However, you could improve clarity in some areas by simplifying your sentences and avoiding ambiguous language.

coherence cohesion

The logical structure of the letter is generally clear, though it could benefit from more distinct paragraphs. For instance, each point (work details, first day, what to bring) should ideally begin a new paragraph. This will make it easier for the reader to follow.

coherence cohesion

While the letter was overall coherent, work on ensuring each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to enhance clarity. This will make your writing more organized and easier for the reader to comprehend.

coherence cohesion

Your greeting and closing were appropriate and courteous, setting a polite and professional tone for the letter.

task achievement

You have successfully used a suitable writing tone that is formal yet friendly, which is appropriate for the context of welcoming a new employee.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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5Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Grammar mistakes
 

7 paragraphs

185 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Greeting and closing

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

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