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Band 4.5

Many people nowadays spend a large of their free time using a smartphone. What do you think are the reasons for this? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

#people #time #smartphone #development
Nowadays, many people's screen time is really high, which is inherently for the young generation. It seems to me that the main reason for
that is
 that all human beings can be put on smartphones.
Firstly
, the phone is a resource to access information and numerous kinds of entertainment,
such
 as social media, games and obviously, the Internet.
This
 gadget facilitates remote work and flexibility, which gives you plentiful opportunities.
Moreover
, smartphones can be used, as devices for self-improvement or education.
For instance
, the relevant example from my personal experience is I used to do all my homework on my devices every day, even rarely can do the same thing now.
Nevertheless
, I have a plethora of online friendships at present,
consequently
Add a comma
consequently,
show examples
 I use social media, as a primary means of communication.
On the other hand
, smartphone is a huge distractor from real life and things, like face-to-face interactions or physical activities. It leads to a decrease in productivity, which consequences might be enormous.
Besides
, without attention, you will be procrastinating all the time.
For example
, the quarantine in 2020 led society to issues with motivation or wish to continue working and studying.
Submitted by katiakardash07 on

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task response
While you have addressed both parts of the question, you should develop your ideas further. Ensure that you explore cause and effect more comprehensively and that you discuss both the positive and negative implications of smartphone use more equally.
coherence and cohesion
The essay presents organized ideas but needs more clear and consistent use of cohesive devices. Continuity of ideas could be improved with better paragraphing and use of linking phrases. Additionally, make sure your introduction and conclusion adequately introduce and summarize the main points of your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Connectivity
  • Multifunctionality
  • Instant gratification
  • Digital natives
  • Cybersecurity concerns
  • Social isolation
  • Ergonomic issues
  • Technological addiction
  • Virtual communities
  • E-learning
  • Telecommuting
  • Screen time
  • Digital detox
  • Mobile applications
  • User interface
  • Sedentary lifestyle
  • Information overload
  • Carpal tunnel syndrome
  • Procrastination
  • Phubbing (ignoring someone in favor of a mobile phone)
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