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Writing Samples /
Band 4

Instead of asking the government to bear the cost of higher education, students should pay their own tuition fees themselves. Do you agree or disagree with this statement

#government #cost #education #students #tuition #fees
Education
 is an important thing for humans to develop
its life
Fix the agreement mistake
their lives
show examples
. In several countries, there are many
of
Change preposition
apply
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schools that need additional fundraising.
Hence
, some people assume that students may pay tuition fees to the institution
instead
receive
Wrong verb form
of receiving
show examples
 from the government.
This
 essay will elaborate
my
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on my
show examples
 opinion about the
important
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importance
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 of the authority must cover the educational
cost
.
Firstly
, science
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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developed significantly in
early
Correct article usage
the early
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of 21
Correct word choice
21st
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centuries
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century
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. Nowadays;
for instance
, many new opportunities occupation
impacted
Verb problem
created
show examples
 by
the
Correct article usage
apply
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advance
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advanced
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 technology
such
data
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as data
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 scientist
job
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jobs
show examples
. Despite
this
, the school syllabus cannot provide it because of the
slow-paced
Correct your spelling
slow pace
show examples
 of the teacher to follow the era’s knowledge.
Consequently
, many online courses offer pupils to learn
this
 field, and these courses have expensive
cost
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costs
show examples
 for some people.
Therefore
, the
authority
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authorities
show examples
 should pay more attention to
this
 phenomenon.
Secondly
, the commission
have
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has
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 a liability to give an adequate program to the
education
. The university, which is the highest
education
 in a country, in some nations, it still
cost
Wrong verb form
costs
show examples
 their students
with
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apply
show examples
expensive fees.
In
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As
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 a consequence, numerous people cannot get
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 higher
education
.
As a result
, it is the responsibility of the commission to cover the fees, so some citizens can achieve higher knowledge. In conclusion,
Education
 is an important part of the
nation toward
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nation's
show examples
develop country
Wrong verb form
development
show examples
.
However
, some nations have inadequate quality of
education
 and low
cost
 of relief
fund
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funds
show examples
. I totally agree that the authority must
covered
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cover
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 funding and provide some
education
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
show examples
 in new knowledge because with good human quality, the nation will easily become better.
Submitted by re.li on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that the essay has a clear and logical structure. Your introduction should outline the main points to be discussed, body paragraphs should each focus on a single point with relevant examples, and the conclusion should summarize the argument effectively without introducing new information.
coherence cohesion
Paragraphs should transition smoothly from one to another using appropriate cohesive devices. This helps readers to follow your argument easily. Work on using varied and precise linkers to create a fluid narrative.
task achievement
You should address all parts of the task and provide a clear position throughout the response. Every central point must be expanded with relevant examples or explanations. Ensure your essay focuses on these details to fully satisfy the task requirements.
task achievement
Your ideas need to be fleshed out more comprehensively. This means going beyond stating a point to explaining it thoroughly and illustrating it with specific, relevant examples,
task achievement
Pay close attention to grammar and vocabulary. Accurate use of complex sentences and a range of vocabulary can significantly improve the clarity of your ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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