IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Many offenders commit more crimes after serving their first punishment. Why is this hapenning and what measures can be taken to tackle this problem.

#offenders #crimes #first #punishment #measures
Post serving
Add a hyphen
Post-serving
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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imprisonment, A large number of criminals often
do
Verb problem
commit
show examples
 more crimes and
this
 happens because of
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of
rehabilitation
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
 and
job
 opportunities.
However
, in
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 we are going to discuss the problems and the possible solutions associated with the offenders. The main problem which forced them to become
offender
Fix the agreement mistake
offenders
show examples
 is
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
lack
Correct article usage
the lack
show examples
 of
rehabilitation
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
 in the prison. In prison,
due to
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of
rehabilitation
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
, they are kept with other criminals where they do not
realizes
Change the verb form
realize
show examples
 the mistakes
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
they
had
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
done
Verb problem
made
show examples
, thereby becoming regular offenders.
Secondly
,
lack
Correct article usage
the lack
show examples
 of
job
 opportunities forces them to
repeatedly
Rephrase
apply
show examples
commit
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
crime
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
show examples
. Many criminals are willing to live a happy
live
Replace the word
life
show examples
, but because of criminal history, no one prefers to give
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
suitable employment.
Hence
, to earn a
livlihood
Correct your spelling
livelihood
 they end up following the same path of
crime
.
For instance
,
From
Change preposition
For
show examples
past
Correct article usage
the past
show examples
 2 years,
its
Correct your spelling
it has
show examples
 been observed that eighty percent
offenders
Change preposition
of offenders
show examples
came
Wrong verb form
come
show examples
 back to jail who
are
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
 not able to
crack
Verb problem
find
show examples
 a suitable
job
. Considering the solution, During
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
imprisonment, If a prisoner is released by teaching a
skill based
Add a hyphen
skill-based
show examples
 knowledge,
then
 not only he will be able to earn a decent
job
 and support their family but
also
, will set up a benchmark for others to follow the path.
Second
Change the article
The second
show examples
 solution will be to open numerous
rehabilitation
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
. In
rehabilitation
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
centers
Add a comma
centers,
show examples
 we can teach numerous aspects of
live
Replace the word
life
show examples
 which not only give a clear aim but
also
 live a happy life. To illustrate, In Western countries,
its
Correct your spelling
it has
show examples
 been observed that post providing
skill based
Add a hyphen
skill-based
show examples
 training, there has been
forty
Correct article usage
a forty
show examples
 percent reduction in
crime
 rate. In conclusion,
Lack
Correct article usage
the Lack
show examples
 of
rehabilitation
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
 and
lack
 of
job
 opportunities forces them to commit a
crime
.
However
, By taking
support
Correct article usage
the support
show examples
 of
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 we can open new
rehabilitation
center
Fix the agreement mistake
centers
show examples
 and
seeking
Wrong verb form
seek
show examples
 help from organizations to consider them for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
employment will help prisoners
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
lead
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
happy
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
Submitted by sharma.ajaykumar2309 on

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structure
Ensure the introduction clearly presents the topic and outlines the key points that will be discussed. The conclusion should effectively summarize the main arguments without introducing new information.
language use
Proofread the essay to correct grammatical errors and use a range of complex sentence structures to improve the overall coherence and cohesiveness of the essay. Use linking words and phrases to connect ideas and paragraphs smoothly.
content
Develop each main point with clear and comprehensive explanations followed by detailed and relevant examples. Examples should be well-chosen to reinforce the arguments made.
task response
Fully address all parts of the task ensuring that the reasons for the recurrence of crime and the proposed measures are clearly explained and expanded upon with adequate detail and depth.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • recidivism
  • rehabilitation programs
  • social stigma
  • ex-convicts
  • reintegration
  • support systems
  • mental health issues
  • addiction problems
  • criminal networks
  • incarceration
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