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Band 7

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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In
this
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 state-of-the-art era, the development of technology can be useful and harmful, connecting and dividing.
Such
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 a phenomenon has caused some
children
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 to spend most of their time in front of their gadgets. In
this
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 essay, I will elaborate on the possible causes of
this
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 case and show how
this
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 leads to a negative development. The
children
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's habit of spending long hours using
smartphones
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 can be attributed to several key factors.
Firstly
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, because of the digital thriving, phones have already served as a fantasy world for
children
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.
This
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 is
due to
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 the fact that gadgets offer myriad entertainment packed into one device,
such
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 as video games and social media.
Secondly
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, parents commonly let their
children
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 use gadgets without any restrictions, thereby letting them become addicted. working parents,
for example
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, often give their offspring
smartphones
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 and do not warn them about the time limit, causing them to play their phones continuously.
However
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,
this
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 kind of trend can result in some problems which affect
children
Use synonyms
's social and health aspects. Regarding the social effect, technology has reduced offspring's opportunities to socialize with their surroundings, confining them in the virtual world and eventually becoming less sociable. There have been many notorious cases in Indonesia,
for instance
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, in which
children
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 cannot interact with their friends or even their parents properly because of their limited social experiences. More importantly, spending hours in front of
smartphones
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 can cause a devastating consequence,
such
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 as reducing the level of fitness
due to
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 less movement. In conclusion, cutting-edge technology has offered offspring numerous entertainment features on their
smartphones
Use synonyms
, encouraging them to play for a long time. Yet,
this
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 phenomenon might have a detrimental effect on
children
Use synonyms
's social ability and
overall
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 health.

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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, ensure that ideas are organized into well-structured paragraphs and that transitions between points are smooth and logical. Try to use a wider range of cohesive devices to link ideas more effectively.
task achievement
In terms of task response, while the essay addresses the key points of the prompt, there is room for a more comprehensive exploration of why children spend so much time on smartphones, and a more in-depth analysis of the implications. Include more developed ideas and a wider range of relevant examples to fully satisfy the task requirements.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
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