IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

Televised talent shows have become popular in many societies today. Are these shows a good method of finding talented people, or are they just entertainment?

#talent #societies #method #people #entertainment
Television programmes aiming to seek geniuses have been widely preferred in many countries in recent decades. It has raised a concern about whether they are an effective approach to finding gifted individuals or they are just entertaining. On the one hand , participating in these shows, individuals have a chance to showcase their outstanding natural ability to a wide range of audiences. Once, they are recognized, they might launch their careers in the entertainment industry.
As a result
, they can earn more income and have better living standards.
Also
, their family gets more benefits.
For example
, an ordinary worker who has a beautiful voice might transform her life entirely after partaking in a national singing competition. She no longer works in the factory but earns money as a singer. She
then
 can support her family financially and have her dream life.
On the other hand
, these programmes are thought of as bringing entertaining time to viewers. After a tiring day at work or school, they can put their feet up by watching these shows on TV. They are primarily entertaining so the audience often gets a chance to unwind resulting in all stress being released.
Moreover
, viewers always have discussions with family or their friends during the show time so forming a strong bond with others is possible. In conclusion, televised shows which are created to look for genius individuals have been favoured by many viewers. They are not only the best way to recognize talented inhabitants but
also
 provide a good means of entertainment.
Submitted by ieltswritingpracticedl on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
While your essay covers the topic broadly, you could improve your score by focusing on developing more specific and relevant examples to support your points. Instead of speaking in generalities, provide concrete cases or studies demonstrating how talent shows have effectively identified talent or provided entertainment.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a structural organization that includes an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which demonstrates your understanding of essay structure. However, transitions between your ideas can be strengthened to make the progression of ideas clearer, providing a more compelling argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: