IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Governments should spend on railways rather than roads. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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While
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 there are a
lot
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 of people who agree that the
government
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 should allocate its
budget
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 to
railways
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, I disagree because I think
roads
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 are more efficient compared to
railways
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.
Roads
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 can approach small areas and are easier to maintain. Plus,
roads
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 will
also
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 cost less in terms of construction.
On the other hand
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,
railways
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 are less flexible because building them will cause high expenses and will take a long time. Building
roads
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 has a
lot
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 of advantages.
Firstly
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,
roads
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 are easier to use for a
lot
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 of people. These days, almost everybody has a car. It could be more than one car for the average person in the city.
Hence
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, in order to approach one location,
roads
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 are easier to use for these people.
Secondly
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,
roads
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 can
also
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 approach small areas,
for instance
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, villages and remote areas. Villages tend to have compact space.
Thus
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, in order to go to these villages, using
roads
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 will be the best option.
Roads
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 are
also
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 easier to maintain since the heavy equipment that will be used to repair them is easier to procure.
Finally
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, building
roads
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 will impact
in
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apply
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less
budget
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. It is
due to
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 the cheap raw materials and
labor
Change the spelling
labour
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.
On the contrary
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, constructing
railways
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 has several drawbacks.
It
Correct pronoun usage
This
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 is mainly because building
railways
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 will lead to high costs. The expense of building
railways
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 can be up to 50% higher compared to building
roads
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. Another reason is that the raw materials for
railways
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such
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 as steel and rock are expensive.
Also
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, the
government
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 must hire a reputable engineering consultant which will take a
lot
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 of money.
Moreover
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, building
railways
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 will take a
lot
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 of time, which is up to 2 years longer compared to building
roads
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. In conclusion, I think the
government
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 should allocate its
budget
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 more to
roads
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 compared to
railways
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. It is because
roads
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 are easier to use, more flexible, and can impact on less
budget
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 for the
government
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.
On the other hand
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,
railways
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 are not preferred because they will lead to high
expense
Fix the agreement mistake
expenses
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 and will take
longer
Correct article usage
a longer
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 time to construct.

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Introduction & Conclusion
You have provided a basic structure with a clear introduction and conclusion. However, the introduction could benefit from a stronger thesis statement that explicitly outlines your main points. The conclusion sums up your arguments but could re-emphasize the significance of the topic.
Logical Structure
The essay shows some logical structure, with paragraphs dedicated to different ideas. Work on your transitions to help the reader follow your line of thought more easily. The use of cohesive devices needs to be more sophisticated and varied.
Supporting Main Points
You have expressed clear ideas that relate to the topic but you should develop your arguments further with more detailed examples and evidence. Vague statements such as 'cheap raw materials and labour' could be backed by specific facts or studies to strengthen your argument.
Completing the Response
Ensure that the response fully addresses the task by discussing both views, not just the one you agree with. Your essay could also benefit from examining the potential benefits of railways to present a more balanced argument.
Clear & Comprehensive Ideas
Clarify and elaborate upon your main ideas by expanding on how roads provide efficiency and flexibility. You may also want to consider counterarguments to show a deeper understanding of the topic.
Relevant Specific Examples
To improve the score in this area, include more detailed and relevant examples to support your claims. Current examples are somewhat basic and could be enhanced by referencing real-world scenarios, comparative studies between road and rail costs, or expert opinions on transport infrastructure.
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