IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones Why is this the case? Do yo think this is a positive or a negative development?

#children #hours #smartphones #case #yo #development
Many
people
 think that
that
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
children
 in
modern
Correct article usage
the modern
show examples
 era
use
 phones every day. It is because of the huge number of phones that can be easily
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
found
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
these days
while
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 I personally believe that it is a negative development. Nowadays, smartphones are really easy to
be obtained
Wrong verb form
obtain
show examples
 for every
people
Fix the agreement mistake
person
show examples
 even for
children
. It cannot be
hiden
Correct your spelling
hidden
 that technology
bring
Change the verb form
brings
show examples
 so many
adventages
Correct your spelling
advantages
 that are why
people
use
 it
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 many time. But, it will be helpful when
iitu
Correct your spelling
it
 is used by adults but it will show a reverse impact if it is done by a child. It leads
the
Correct your spelling
them
show examples
 to
be
Verb problem
become
show examples
adicted
Correct your spelling
addicted
 to
keep
Verb problem
apply
show examples
using the phone and it is
worst
Correct word choice
worse
show examples
 for their childhood times that should be spent with friends and
learn
Wrong verb form
learning
show examples
 from books. It is
also
 because their parents get them used to playing with their
smarphone
Correct your spelling
smartphone
smartphones
intead
Correct your spelling
instead
 of doing another activity.
For instance
, when
children
 cry
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
perents
Correct your spelling
parents
 give them online
vidio
Correct your spelling
videos
 from their
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 to overcome their crying.
Nevertheless
,
this
 is not something to be proud
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
, because childhood is a time to introduce the world and build
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
mindset
Fix the agreement mistake
mindsets
show examples
. It will totally affect their life.
People
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 have been given
smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
show examples
 since a kind tend
too
Correct your spelling
to
show examples
 have a
smal
Correct your spelling
small
 number of friends as a
consequences
Correct the article-noun agreement
consequence
show examples
. It
is happened
Change to the active voice
happens
has happened
show examples
 almost in big cities and it causes
children
becoming
Verb problem
to make
show examples
 less effort to do tasks or assignments.
For example
, kinds living in
rullar
Correct your spelling
rural
 areas
use
 books
for
Change preposition
as
show examples
 their learning sources, but in big
cities
Add a comma
cities,
show examples
 they
use
 to get knowledge
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
significantly different, it
also
 shows their effort.
To sum up
,
This
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
happened
Wrong verb form
happening
show examples
 because
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
smartphones are easy to buy and parents do not control their
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
meteceulously
Correct your spelling
meticulously
 and it is an adverse development.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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introduction
The essay lacks a clear introduction with a thesis statement that should guide the reader on the topics being discussed. Consider starting with a sentence that encapsulates the main argument or stance.
conclusion
There is no clear conclusion that summarizes the main points and reiterates the stance. A good conclusion must tie back to the introduction and succinctly conclude the essay's argument.
supported main points
The main points in support of the argument need to be clearer and developed with more specific examples. The ideas presented are not fully expanded upon, which leaves the reader questioning the validity of the points.
complete response
The response does not fully address all parts of the prompt. Make sure to touch on both why children use smartphones daily and whether this trend is positive or negative.
clear comprehensive ideas
Many sentences are unclear and lack comprehensiveness, making the main ideas difficult to understand. Aim for clarity in expressing your points and ensure that the essay flows logically from one idea to the next.
relevant specific examples
Examples provided are relevant but not always clear or specific. Include precise examples to strengthen your argument and make your points more compelling.
logical structure
Pay attention to the logical structure of your essay. Ensure that your points follow logically from one to the next, with appropriate use of paragraphs and transitional phrases.

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