IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some of today's schools insist that all students have their own laptop computer in class to assist i their education. Do you feel that this would be an advantage to studens' education or would it be an unnecessary complication?

#schools #students #laptop #computer #class #education #advantage #studens #complication
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In recent days,
students
Use synonyms
 tended to use
laptop
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computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
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 which aid their
collage
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college
show examples
activities
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 and assignment completion.
Students
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 can easily use their Microsoft for typing and calculating,
while
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 they can
also
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 read some materials through the same screen.
This
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 is considered by some is an effective way
for doing
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to do
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 some
task
Fix the agreement mistake
tasks
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 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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university
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 life. Is
this
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 trend,
however
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,
advantage
Add an article
the advantage
an advantage
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 for
students
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 themselves? Certainly, the usage of
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laptop
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laptops
show examples
 to
support
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 student’s
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
 is beneficial. Nowadays, most
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university
Change to a plural noun
universities
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 in the world require computer-based type for most of the assignments, so
that
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apply
show examples
students
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 are likely using
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laptop
Fix the agreement mistake
laptops
show examples
 to do a range of
works
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work
show examples
 which
obliged
Add a missing verb
is obliged
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 by their
collages
Correct your spelling
colleagues
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.
This
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 option
regard
Wrong verb form
is regarded
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to
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by
show examples
 the
university
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 staff as a simple way of doing
task
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tasks
show examples
 because
students
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 do not have to serve paper which is not eco-friendly.
Furthermore
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, the trend of online class encourages many
students
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 to use
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laptop
Fix the agreement mistake
laptops
show examples
 as a basic
needs
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need
show examples
 to run
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
teaching
activities
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.
This
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 technological
support
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 is important to help
students
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 gain their achievement and the process of learning through broader information
in
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on
show examples
 the the
laptop
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.
However
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, there are concerns which
students
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 should
tackled
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tackle
show examples
 by using
such
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 gizmos.
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Laptop
Correct article usage
A laptop
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 computer
cost
Wrong verb form
costs
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 an arm and a leg which not every
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students
Change to a singular noun
student
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 can afford
it
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apply
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, especially those who come from underprivileged families.
For
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example
Add a comma
example,
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 when I went to the
University
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 5 years ago, I
cannot
Wrong verb form
could not
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bought
Change the verb form
buy
show examples
 a
laptop
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 which could
support
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 my
university
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assignment
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assignments
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,
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as
Correct word choice
and as
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 a
result
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result,
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 I got
a
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apply
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low
score
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scores
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 on a few assignments.
This
Linking Words
 situation could be severe if
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university
Add an article
the university
a university
show examples
 does not
support
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 the
students
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 with optional tools that can ultimately help the
students
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 to be more equal in terms of technological issues for assignments. In conclusion, technological devices for
Use synonyms
students
Change noun form
students'
student's
show examples
activities
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is
Change the verb form
are
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 an inevitable
useage
Correct your spelling
use
. They have many advantages for
students
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 with a plethora
features
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of features
show examples
 which aid
students
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 to do a range of
activities
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,
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however
Add a comma
however,
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 the
serve
Replace the word
service
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 of technology should be equal for every student of different
economical
Correct word choice
economic
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background
Fix the agreement mistake
backgrounds
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.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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task achievement
When addressing the topic, make sure to fully address all parts of the task. Your essay acknowledges the question posed, but the exploration of whether laptops are an unnecessary complication is insufficient. Expand on potential disadvantages and nuances of laptop use in education beyond cost concerns, such as distractions or the impact on traditional learning skills.
coherence cohesion
Your essay shows an attempt at coherence and cohesion with a clear paragraph structure. However, transitions between ideas can be smoother. Include more cohesive devices to guide the reader through your argument more clearly. Also, watch out for the consistency in terminology (e.g., switch between 'collage' and 'college') and paragraph topic sentences to ensure they clearly reflect the main idea of each paragraph.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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