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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Pros and cons of using television, it is a time-wasting? Give your opinion

#television
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Television
Use synonyms
 has long been a subject of debate,
some
Change preposition
with some
show examples
 arguing
that is
Linking Words
 a waste of
time
Use synonyms
 and others not. The majority of the families have in their homes a
television
Use synonyms
 and
this
Linking Words
 electronic device makes part of their routine. Let’s discuss the pros and cons of spending
time
Use synonyms
 with
television
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
television
Use synonyms
 can bring information and knowledge. News channels keep us updated on the global panorama about diverse areas,
for example
Linking Words
 in
this
Linking Words
 moment the news about the conflict between Israel and Palestine. You can
also
Linking Words
 be prepared for the weather conditions by seeing the local news. Educational programs are efficient for the kids because show their insight into science, history and culture.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
television
Use synonyms
 serves as a source of relaxation, after a difficult day
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
you have been stressed, you can come back
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
home, sit down and relax watching a documentary about wildlife
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the forest, having a good
time
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 seeing a comedy movie or being emotional with a love story soap opera.
Moreover
Linking Words
, watching
TV
Use synonyms
 is a moment when the family stay together to watch a sports program or a
TV
Use synonyms
 show on Sundays, making happy memories with everyone. From the other point of view, staying a lot of
time
Use synonyms
 sitting in front of a
TV
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 for a long period every day can make
this
Linking Words
 person develop a sedentary life,
specially
Replace the word
especially
show examples
with
Correct word choice
if
show examples
 you have the bad habit of eating fast food
while
Linking Words
 watching your
favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
show examples
 program. In conclusion,
television
Use synonyms
is
Wrong verb form
has been
show examples
 a means of communication that entertained families over the past years. Information and knowledge are obtained when you look for channels that have content with
this
Linking Words
 kind of subject like science
for example
Linking Words
. But if you have a sedentary life, spending a lot of
time
Use synonyms
 just watching can be a problem. Moderation is the key. In my opinion,
TV
Use synonyms
 is not
time
Use synonyms
-wasting.
Submitted by aracellyfontes on

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coherence cohesion
Continue to maintain clear logical progression within your paragraphs, but make an effort to vary sentence structures and link ideas more smoothly to enhance readability.
coherence cohesion
While the introduction and conclusion are present and functional, strive to make your conclusion more reflective of the overall analysis, including a summary of your key points as this strengthens the overall argument.
task achievement
The response to the task is somewhat repetitive; aim to cover a wider range of ideas rather than revisiting the same points. Diversify your argument to make a more comprehensive and in-depth essay.
task achievement
Insert more specific examples to substantiate your claims. It's beneficial to use hypothetical or real-world instances to more vividly illustrate your points and to demonstrate an understanding of the topic on a deeper level.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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