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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The table shows the income and expenditure of Brooklyn Hall, the building used to hire in over the period of three years.

The table shows the income and expenditure of Brooklyn Hall, the building used to hire in over the period of three years.
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The table gives information about the total income and consumption of Brooklyn Hall in each place for 3 years.
Overall
Linking Words
, the profit of the hall has reduced in each
year
Use synonyms
 significantly.
Also
Linking Words
, the hire of rooms has the main amount of money in the period.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the hire of rooms had some small drop and rise but it can be considered steady.
In contrast
Linking Words
,the cafe had a gradual increase.
In addition
Linking Words
, the funding
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
council
Correct article usage
the council
show examples
 tower was 20000
pounds
Use synonyms
 but it dropped to 15000
pound
Change to a plural noun
pounds
show examples
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, funding of bodies had the same situation and it had a fall from 22000 to 20000
pounds
Use synonyms
 in the second
year
Use synonyms
 and in the third
year
Use synonyms
, it was 7000
pounds
Use synonyms
 less than the first
year
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the total income had a steady rise and started at 72000 and ended at 78000
pounds
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, the expenditure increased more,
Therefore
Linking Words
 the profit decreased
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
every
year
Use synonyms
 and became 9 times less ( from 9000 to 1000
pounds
Use synonyms
).

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Vocabulary: Replace the words year, pounds with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "rise" was used 2 times.
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