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Band 6.5

Wild animals have no place in the 21st century, and the protection is a waste of resources. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#animals #place #st #century #protection #waste #resources
Some individuals declare that preserving
animals
, especially wild
animals
, by utilizing the current proportion of funds is futile since they serve no purpose and are lavished with resources.
However
, I firmly disagree with
this
 viewpoint and believe that conserving wild
animals
 plays an integral role in maintaining the balance of our ecosystem and providing long-term materials for medical and scientific research. It is not so confusing to comprehend why I am in disagreement with
this
 assertion. As a matter of fact, fauna is regarded as one of the most valuable assets in the smooth functioning of ecosystems.
Also
, wild
animals
 are crucial parts of
food
 chains and ecological balance.
Therefore
, if they are not safeguarded, the
food
 web will be broken;
resultantly
Rephrase
consequently
show examples
, the imbalance of ecology will pose several threats to the population of species and human societies.
For instance
, when there are no bees or birds, plants and trees can’t be naturally pollinated, resulting in negative impacts on agriculture and the production of
food
.
Furthermore
, other species that follow them in the
food
 chain,
such
 as insects and worms, will
get
Verb problem
apply
show examples
exploded
Wrong verb form
explode
show examples
, which in turn jeopardizes humans’ health as these can cause some fatal diseases.
On the other hand
, these creatures are exploited for
doing
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
experimentation in order to invent some medication to cure deadly diseases. Take insulin from cattle and pigs as an example; it was the predominant form of insulin used for decades and an indispensable substance for diabetics. Conclusively,
although
 there are multifarious other concerns in the world about using funds on a priority basis, like poverty, health care facilities,... I strongly believe that the protection of wild
animals
 is not a waste of resources.
Submitted by duongntt.tld on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to maintain clarity and logical progression.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are coherent, but be careful to restate the thesis more clearly in the conclusion to reinforce your argument.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices and linkers to enhance the flow of information and ideas throughout the essay.
task achievement
Address the prompt fully by discussing both views even if you disagree with one, providing a balanced treatment of the topic.
task achievement
Develop your ideas further with more detailed explanations and by showcasing a varied range of vocabulary.
task achievement
Incorporate more precise and varied examples to support your points effectively and increase the score for task response.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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