IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think secondary school students should learn international news as one of their subjects, while others believe that this is a waste of valuable time. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Many people often believe that international
news
Use synonyms
 should be taught as a part of academic
courses
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 for the pupils who study in secondary school,
while
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 some people argue that educating secondary school
students
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 on it does not make any sense.
However
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, I will discuss
this
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 phenomenon in the following paragraphs, as, from my perspective, it has both positive and negative opinions.
To begin
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 with, in
this
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 modern
education
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 system, every student must read their academic
courses
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 widely with a view to ensuring a good academic result, and if international
news
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 is considered a main academic course,
then
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 they will be able to learn more information relating to
news
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that is
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 happening across the world.
For example
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, if a scholar wants to develop his professional career, having knowledge of international
news
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 in student life will be helpful for him to write a report in the newspaper.
Therefore
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, most secondary schools in
this
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 contemporary
education
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 society include international
news
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 as a main course at the higher
education
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 level.
On the other hand
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, a group of individuals prefer not to include international
news
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 in the academic syllabus as it will create
burden
Correct article usage
a burden
show examples
 among the
students
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 out of their prime academic
courses
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.
Besides
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, the more
courses
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 provided at the secondary level, the more
students
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 will be demotivated to take the extra subject.
Furthermore
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, as a subject, international
news
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 will not play a significant role for
students
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 who are interested in studying science in the future.
For instance
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,
according to
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 the
education
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 system in Bangladesh, if a student wants to pursue his higher
education
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 in the social science group, he does not need to have knowledge of international
news
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 to confirm a good academic result. In conclusion,
although
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students
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 might be able to gain knowledge of international
news
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 if it is included in their secondary school level, some
students
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 might lose interest in studying
this
Linking Words
 course as it will consume their valuable time.

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coherence cohesion
Focus on linking ideas more effectively. Use a variety of transitional phrases to improve cohesion.
coherence cohesion
Expand your introduction and conclusion to clearly present your opinion and summarise the key points made in the essay.
task achievement
Provide clearer and more detailed examples to support your main points. Specific examples will enhance your argument.
task achievement
Ensure that your response directly addresses all parts of the task. Include a balanced discussion of both views and a clearer statement of your own opinion.
task achievement
Work on developing comprehensive ideas. Expand on your arguments with more depth and detail to clarify your stance.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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