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Some people believe that success means earning a lot of money. Others believe that success is defined by personal happiness. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

#people #success #money #happiness
Recently, some individuals have considered that
success
 means receiving a
lot
 of
money
,
while
 others think that
success
 depends on personal
happiness
. In my opinion, I consider
people
 who believe that
success
 means earning a
lot
 of
money
 to be more important and have more real meaning than the other side. On the one hand, there are a
lot
 of
people
 who believe
success
 means earning a
lot
 of
money
, and I agree.
Firstly
, some
people
 think that because these days
money
 is hard to find. To put it simply, earning
mony
Correct your spelling
money
 needs an effort.
For example
, nowadays the rate of jobs in Egypt has decreased, so finding a job and getting a
lot
 of
money
 becomes difficult for normal
people
.
as a result
, somebody looks at the one who has a
lot
 of
money
 as a successful person.
Secondly
, it is believed that the richest
people
 in the world nowadays are successful.
On the other hand
, most
people
 think that
success
 is defined by personal
happiness
.
Firstly
, some
people
 say that
happiness
 will keep
people
 in a safe zone in terms of
health
. to clarify,
happiness
 is one of the most important reasons to save
health
whereas
people
 who are happy often get longevity
consequently
, they are considered successful
people
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
because they can save the most important thing in life which is
health
.
Therefore
, some
people
 think they are successful because they could save their
health
 in the safe zone. Another point is that reaching the peak of
happiness
 is by being
satisfiede
Correct your spelling
satisfied
for
Change preposition
with
show examples
 what you have and proud of
yourselfe
Correct your spelling
yourself
.
To sum up
,
although
people
 may vary in their opinion, I think that individuals who believe
success
 means getting a
lot
 of
money
. If
people
 made themselves happy
while
 they did not receive a
lot
 of
money
 they would regret it in the future and it would affect their future in a bad way
Submitted by asomm5563 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that the introduction clearly presents the scope of the discussion, acknowledging both views on success before stating your own opinion. The conclusion should effectively summarize these views and restate your standpoint, creating a cohesive argument.
coherence cohesion
To improve logical structure, use clear and concise topic sentences that introduce the main idea of each paragraph. Connect these ideas with appropriate transition words and maintain a logical flow throughout your essay.
task achievement
Support your main points with specific examples and explanations. Also, make sure to discuss both views in an unbiased way before giving your opinion. This shows a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Develop each idea fully to show a clear and comprehensive understanding of the topic. Avoid generalizations and instead provide detailed and relevant examples to back up your arguments.
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