Many people try to achieve success through their career or education. What can success mean to different people? What is your view of success?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
All
people
in the world must be want to be a successful person.
However
,
success
for some
people
has a different meaning. Many
people
prefer to achieve
success
by pursuing their careers and others choose to continue to higher education. Different
people
should have different perspectives in pursuing
success
. There is a perspective that
success
can be measured by
money
or
such
achievements in life.
People
who have
this
perspective tend to have materialism in their style. They consider that
money
can
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
everything they need so their happiness is based on how much
money
can they earn and spend. For me,
success
is not only about
money
and achievements in careers or other aspects but
also
related to happiness.
This
is because many
people
have a lot of
money
but their heart is not happy or enjoy their life. They tend to feel stressed because of the burden of their work
hence
they suffer from mental health rather than gain happiness. Another point of view
that is
also
important is not everything can be bought with
money
.
For instance
, the oxygen for breathing can get everywhere without having
money
.
To sum up
,
although
money
and achievements play a significant role in fulfilling human needs and are considered a standard for
success
, there is
also
an important thing for human beings to be
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
valuable
people
not only for themself but
also
for others and all creatures in the world.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
To enhance the logical structure of your essay, ensure that each paragraph clearly presents a single idea and that the connections between these ideas are explicitly stated. Consider using a range of discourse markers to illustrate the relationship between thoughts, such as contrasting viewpoints or cause-and-effect statements.
coherence cohesion
It's promising that you have included both an introduction and a conclusion; continue to refine these to succinctly encapsulate your essay's central argument and summarise your key points effectively in the conclusion.
coherence cohesion
While your main points are present, they could be more fully supported with detailed explanations, evidence, or examples that are directly relevant to the central topic. Remember to draw on a wide array of examples from various sources to strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Ensure a complete response to the question by fully addressing all parts of the prompt. It is important to not only state what success means to different people and your own view but also to thoroughly explore these notions and how they can vary from person to person.
task achievement
Strive for clarity and depth in your ideas. Each point you make about the nature of success should be unpacked and explained in a way that leaves no room for ambiguity. Aim for a comprehensive understanding to be conveyed to the reader.
task achievement
Integrate relevant, specific examples to substantiate your arguments. The inclusion of personal anecdotes or wider societal observations can lend credibility to your perspective on success and help illustrate your points more vividly.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • fulfillment
  • personal goals
  • happiness
  • career milestones
  • professional development
  • financial independence
  • security
  • philanthropy
  • contribution
  • personal development
  • recognition
  • work-life balance
  • self-improvement
  • well-being
  • subjective
What to do next:
Look at other essays: