IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that global environmental problems should be dealth with locally. Others think that they should be dealth will locally. What is your opinion?

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While
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 it is commonly believed that the
issues
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 that are faced by the environment ought to be dealt with globally, other people think that these problems should be solved domestically. In my opinion, when environmental
issues
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 are solved on an international level, the results can be more effective.  
Firstly
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, some of the environmental
issues
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 can be expensive to solve.
In other words
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, not all
countries
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 can overcome their
issues
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, especially when they involve a large amount of money. In
this
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 case, other
neighboring
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neighbouring
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 nations should take action by helping the affected country through financial assistance.
For example
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, Yemen, which is an undeveloped country, may not be able to combat some environmental
issues
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, namely the extinction of some animal species.
Therefore
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, other
countries
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 that share the same border as Yemen could invest some money in conservation programs to help keep the animals from disappearing.   Another reason is that some
countries
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 may not have the knowledge to solve some environmental
issues
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.
This
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 is particularly obvious in third-world
countries
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,
such
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 as Indonesia or Bangladesh. With the help of other nations, they can gain more knowledge on how to fix some
issues
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,
such
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 as air pollution. By introducing an international awareness campaign, people will be more educated about the importance of preserving the environment.
Moreover
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, developed nations can introduce some effective methods that can be used to reduce the problem.
For example
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, they can introduce technology on how to produce energy from renewable energy.
This
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 can reduce the emissions of greenhouse gases.  
To sum up
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, I once again reaffirm my position that environmental
issues
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 should be tackled at a global level. If the governments in every country worked together to fix the problem, the world would be a better place to live.

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task response
Your essay generally addresses the task, however, the development of ideas is somewhat limited. It is important to fully extend and support your arguments to achieve a higher score.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your essay needs improvement. While you have an introduction and conclusion, the body paragraphs need to be more clearly linked to the main idea and to each other for better cohesion and coherence.
task achievement
Your essay includes examples, but they are not fully relevant or specific enough to support your points effectively. Aim to include more developed and directly relevant examples to improve task achievement.
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