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In recent years, the pressure on schools and university students has been increasing. And they are pushed to work hard at a very young age. Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

#years #pressure #schools #university #students #work #age #development
In recent years, educational institutions and their
students
 have faced an increasing strain.
Moreover
, they are obligated to exert substantial endeavour from a young age.
Nevertheless
, I wholeheartedly concur with the adverse consequences that arise when schools persist in employing the identical educational standards as those in our nation. In light of my observation, it is imperative to modify all the educational standards in our nation since they are not conducive to pupils in rural regions. The government must comprehend the specific needs of children residing in areas with internet connectivity in order to meet their requirements effectively. From my understanding, kids often face pressure from their parents
due to
 the high expectations parents have for their children. They delegate the obligations to an educator who instructs the
students
 in the educational institution. Presently, the academic requirements in Sorong differ significantly from those of earlier generations.
Moreover
, pressure entails other detrimental consequences,
such
 as mental health disorders, exhaustion, and diminished motivation for acquiring knowledge.
Conversely
, there are certain advantageous elements that we may derive from
this
 form of teaching. The advantageous characteristics of pushing pupils include the cultivation of a competitive mindset and readiness for real-life obstacles. It is important to adequately equip
students
 for post-graduation life in order to gain admission into their desired public institution. To summarise, notwithstanding the negative consequences associated with
this
 particular educational objective, it is beneficial to provide our
students
 with the skills necessary to navigate a period characterised by significant changes and disruptions.
As a result
, they can develop a well-defined strategy for my future endeavours.
Submitted by muhammadluthfidzulfikar on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure there is a clear introduction, body, and conclusion in your essay. The introduction should provide a brief overview of your position on the topic. The body should contain well-structured paragraphs that each focus on a distinct point supporting your overall argument, and the conclusion should summarize your main points and restate your position in a clear way.
Task Achievement
Your essay should directly address the question posed, offering clear and well-developed arguments. Make sure to include relevant examples to support your points, and fully elaborate on your ideas to demonstrate a comprehensive understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • academic excellence
  • competitive spirit
  • parental expectations
  • stress levels
  • educational demands
  • real-world challenges
  • mental health
  • academic burnout
  • personal well-being
  • cultural differences
  • alternative education
  • developmental pace
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