IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Many people think that mobile phones should be banned in public places such as libraries, shops and public transport. Do you agree or disagree?

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It is believed by most individuals that smartphones should be prohibited in public areas.
While
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this
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 idea will reduce distractions,
however
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, I do not endorse
this
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 thought. In my opinion, we can restrict the
use
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 of
such
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 a gadget but cannot avoid it completely.
This
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 is because we are addicted to its
use
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 and it assists in navigation. Imagining life without a phone in hand is a dream these days. Mobile
phones
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 are of great help when we are travelling. The " Maps" application on the phone guides us through an unknown route and we feel safe by following the directions as directed by Google Maps.
This
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 is particularly safe when we are on a bus or a taxi. No one can fool us and come to even know if we are new to the area.
Thus
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, carrying our smartphones
while
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 on the go is a must.
For instance
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, when I went for my IELTS speaking test
last
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 Wednesday, I had no clue about the route. As soon as I sat in the Uber vehicle, I instantly switched on the Maps feature and could even share my ride with my spouse.
This
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 distinctive feature made me feel confident and I could ensure that the driver was safe. The
use
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 of these electronic gadgets is significant in
such
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 times.
In addition
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, we are wired at all times and staying without it for even a few minutes is impossible. We have become so addicted to our smartphones that all day-to-day tasks are now carried out on
this
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 phone with a click. Carrying bulky wallets, documents and even ID cards is a thing of the past. We are habituated to not clinging to anything except our mobile
phones
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.
However
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, restricting the
use
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 of
such
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 gadgets should be emphasized
due to
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 the distraction that it leads to. The continuous beeping of
phones
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 in a library is a nuisance. It is a place where absolute silence is and should be observed. In conclusion, we are so glued to our mobile
phones
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 that it is difficult to stay without them
due to
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 the convenience of travel and the multitude of things we do on them, but we should curtail their
use
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 in public spaces
such
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 as libraries.

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coherence
Consider providing a clearer structure in your introduction that outlines your main points. This can help the reader anticipate the arguments you'll be making.
task response
Work on enhancing the depth of your ideas in the body paragraphs. While you provided relevant examples, expanding on your arguments could further strengthen your essay.
coherence
Ensure a smoother transition between sentences and paragraphs to improve overall coherence. Connecting ideas more seamlessly will help the reader follow your arguments more easily.
task achievement
You provided a personal example that illustrates your point effectively, which adds to the authenticity of your argument and engages the reader.
coherence
Your language use is generally clear, and you convey your points with a good level of fluency. This helps maintain the reader's interest.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Distraction
  • Etiquette
  • Tranquility
  • Prohibit
  • Intrusive
  • Courtesy
  • Essential communication
  • Public decorum
  • Designated areas
  • Safety concerns
  • Noise pollution
  • Digital etiquette
  • Enforcement measures
  • Civic responsibility
  • Silent mode
  • Connectivity
  • Invasiveness
  • Social norms
  • Policy implementation
  • Moderation
What to do next:
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