In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?
The markable growth of technology and new developments in big
cities
in recent years have drawn attention to city life which means fewer people
in rural areas
. As modern life and new generations rise, the desire to be part of new development will increase too, however
, I think the drawbacks of this
situation outweigh its benefits and I will point to some of the possible reasons and solutions to it in this
essay.
To begin
with, one of the most significant reasons for leaving the countryside and getting established in cities
would be the lack of new technologies in small towns in many countries. Therefore
, people
who want to be able to use these developments, which are mostly from young ages, prefer to change their habitat. However
, people
from previous generations are getting old, and they need to be replaced in their career by younger ones but there is only a few of them left in rural areas
.
Additionally
, running out of workforce in these areas
can cause serious consequences for the entire country. Suppose that, not enough people
work on farmlands or factories which are mostly located far from cities
. It may not look like a huge problem at first,
but it can put the community and government both in a hard situation, struggling with their first needs including food or medicines.
In brief, having the population moving into big cities
can cause more negative effects in the near future, so governments should provide programs or systems to bring new developments to rural areas
and try to keep people
in their hometowns. In addition
, encouraging people
to move into these areas
and attending to work in mentioned jobs may also
stop the incoming problems.Submitted by negarqaemi24 on
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coherence cohesion
You have generally presented your ideas in a logical way, but your essay lacks a clear and strong thread connecting the points together. Consider using more linking phrases and clear topic sentences to introduce your main points. Be cautious with run-on sentences and try to vary your sentence structures to enhance readability and flow.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present, but they could be more explicitly defined. Make sure your introduction clearly states the main topic and your position on it, while your conclusion should restate your thesis and summarize your main points succinctly.
coherence cohesion
While you provided some support for your main points, it would benefit from more detailed examples and explanations. When presenting problems, also propose some specific, real-world solutions and explain how these could be implemented.
task achievement
You addressed the task and provided a response to the prompt, but your response could be more comprehensive. Consider covering more aspects of the issue, exploring both positives and negatives, and ensure your arguments are balanced and fully developed.
task achievement
Your essay gives an impression of your opinion on the subject, but the ideas presented are somewhat general. Aim for more depth in your discussion, with each paragraph focusing on one clear idea that is explained, developed, and supported in a way that shows a high degree of understanding of the topic.
task achievement
While you include examples, they could be more relevant and specific to strengthen your argument. Use data or specific scenarios that clearly illustrate the points made, adding to the overall effectiveness and persuasiveness of your essay.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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