IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries.

The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries.
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The line graph illustrates the amount of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
individuals aged 65 and over in the USA,
Sweden
Use synonyms
 and Japan during the 83 years from 1940 and
also
Linking Words
 gives
prediction
Correct article usage
a prediction
show examples
 till 2040.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that the proportion of
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
 aged 65 and over will
have been
Verb problem
apply
show examples
decrease in all countries. In
the
Change the article
apply
show examples
1940, the American older people
numbers
Verb problem
was
show examples
 higher than
other
Change preposition
in other
show examples
 regions and the proportion
had
Verb problem
was
show examples
 10%, almost 7% and 5% in
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
,
Sweden
Use synonyms
 and Japan respectively. The rate of aged 65 and over had increased during the 20 years except Japan’s older individuals. Nearly in 1985, the USA and
Sweden
Use synonyms
 elder people’s rate had decreased until almost 1995. Since 1995, the percentage of the
Sweden
Use synonyms
 population aged 65 and over peaked up sharply till 2015. It is expected to be doubled and reach nearly 25% in 2040.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the aged population in Japan remained the lowest, which was less than 5% until 2005 and
expected
Add a missing verb
is expected
show examples
 to grow and reach the highest point, about 30 percentage, in 2040.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Vocabulary: Replace the words sweden with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "reach" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: