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Band 6

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to the cities, so the population in the countryside is decereasing. Do you think that this is a positive or a negative development?

#countries #world #people #cities #population #countryside #development
Statistics show that the world’s population is increasing rapidly. It is expected that most of us will be living in
cities
 within the next few decades. The question of whether urbanisation is a positive or negative development remains controversial. A rapid influx of people moving from rural to urban areas is bound to cause
problems
.
Firstly
, pressure on resources
such
 as housing and transportation intensifies. It is becoming difficult for many people to afford adequate housing in
cities
. A by-product of
this
 is the creation of slums causing low-income families to group together in neglected parts of the city. These people often become trapped in a cycle of poverty
that is
 difficult to escape. As mentioned above, the growth of urban areas can
also
 lead to severe traffic congestion because more and more vehicles travel into the city from the suburbs.
This
 has many knock-on effects,
such
 as
problems
 with air quality. It
also
 leads many city dwellers to experience mental health issues because travelling across large
cities
 is tiring and stressful. All of
this
 being said, I don’t believe that urbanisation is a wholly negative development. There are advantages to living in large
cities
 that are
well managed
Add a hyphen
well-managed
show examples
.
For example
, there are more schools which means more education opportunities. Access to higher-quality health care is often better in
cities
. Some
cities
 have
also
 introduced ride-sharing, e-bikes and park and
ride
Correct your spelling
park-and-ride
show examples
 services that reduce environmental
problems
. My opinion is that many of the
problems
 associated with urbanisation are avoidable but dealing with
increasing
Correct article usage
the increasing
show examples
 population in
cities
 is a formidable challenge. How governments,
business
Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
show examples
 and society respond to
this
 challenge will dramatically affect the future of our world.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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coherence cohesion
Although the essay has a logical flow of ideas, the structural organization could be improved by clearly distinguishing between paragraphs and introducing more cohesive devices to better link sections of text.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion could be more prominently marked, ensuring that the reader clearly identifies the beginning and end of the essay, as well as a clear restatement of the writer's position in the conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Many points made within the essay are supported, but they could be bolstered by more specific examples and deeper analysis. This would provide a more compelling representation of ideas.
task achievement
The essay addresses the task well and the response is adequate; however, it could benefit from further elaboration on the topic, directly linking the discussion back to the implications of the positive or negative development.
task achievement
The essay presents ideas with clarity, yet the writer can improve by creating a more comprehensive exploration of the topic, ensuring that key points are not only stated but explored in-depth.
task achievement
Use of relevant examples is good, but incorporating a wider variety of specific and pertinent examples will enhance the argument's effectiveness and help with illustrating points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • rural-to-urban migration
  • population shift
  • positive impact
  • negative impact
  • urbanization
  • job opportunities
  • access to education
  • access to healthcare
  • urban infrastructure
  • rural traditions
  • cultural heritage
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