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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people say that schools should concentrate on teaching students academic subjets that will be useful for their future careers. Other people say that subjects such as music and sports are also necessary. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

#people #schools #students #subjets #future #careers #subjects #music #sports
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There is an ongoing debate about whether schools should focus primarily on scholarly
subjects
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 or whether practical
subjects
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,
such
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 as
sports
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 and art, are equally essential.
While
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 I acknowledge that academic
subjects
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 play a crucial role in shaping future careers, I believe hands-on experiences are more important for teenagers to lead a fulfilling life. On the one hand, disciplines
such
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 as mathematics, science and languages are considered critical for several reasons.
Firstly
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, these
subjects
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 equip
students
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 with fundamental knowledge and skills for their Workplace ambitions.
For example
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, mathematics develops problem-solving abilities,
while
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 science fosters critical thinking.
Secondly
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, A strong foundation in traditional
subjects
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 is often a prerequisite for gaining admission to universities or vocational training programs. In a rapidly evolving world, expertise in academic fields including science, technology, engineering, and mathematics, ensures that
students
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 can thrive in competitive job markets. On the other
hands
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hand
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, some argue about the importance of non-academic
subjects
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such
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 as
sports
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 and art. From their perspective,
sports
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 and arts nurture creativity, teamwork, and leadership, which are required life skills that complement academic learning.
In addition
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, participating in
sports
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 promotes physical fitness,
while
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 music and arts provide stress relief and emotional expression.
Moreover
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, not all
students
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 aim for careers requiring academic
rigor
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rigour
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; some may excel in fields like music, athletics, or visual arts, which are equally rewarding. Supporting the notion of
this
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 group, I think these
subjects
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also
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 foster personal growth and help
students
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 explore their passions, enriching their
overall
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 educational experience. In conclusion,
while
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 scholarly
subjects
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 are undeniably vital for equipping
students
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 with essential skills for future professions, practical disciplines play an equally significant role in developing well-rounded individuals.
Therefore
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, a balanced curriculum that incorporates both academic and practical
subjects
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 is key to preparing
students
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 for a successful life.
Submitted by skharratian on

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task achievement
While your essay effectively discusses both views and presents a coherent argument, consider strengthening your analysis by providing more specific examples and elaborating on how both academic and non-academic subjects impact life skills and career readiness in various ways.
coherence and cohesion
For even greater clarity, you can improve coherence by ensuring there are smooth transitions between paragraphs. Additionally, varied sentence structures and a broader range of vocabulary can aid in making the essay more engaging.
introduction
Your introduction sets the context well by clearly restating the prompt and presenting your viewpoint.
supported main points
Both body paragraphs thoroughly cover the respective perspectives with logical reasoning and supportive ideas.
conclusion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points, reiterating the importance of a balanced curriculum.
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