IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people say that schools should concentrate on teaching students academic subjets that will be useful for their future careers. Other people say that subjects such as music and sports are also necessary. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There is an ongoing debate about whether schools should focus primarily on scholarly
subjects
Use synonyms
 or whether practical
subjects
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 as
sports
Use synonyms
 and art, are equally essential.
While
Linking Words
 I acknowledge that academic
subjects
Use synonyms
 play a crucial role in shaping future careers, I believe hands-on experiences are more important for teenagers to lead a fulfilling life. On the one hand, disciplines
such
Linking Words
 as mathematics, science and languages are considered critical for several reasons.
Firstly
Linking Words
, these
subjects
Use synonyms
 equip
students
Use synonyms
 with fundamental knowledge and skills for their Workplace ambitions.
For example
Linking Words
, mathematics develops problem-solving abilities,
while
Linking Words
 science fosters critical thinking.
Secondly
Linking Words
, A strong foundation in traditional
subjects
Use synonyms
 is often a prerequisite for gaining admission to universities or vocational training programs. In a rapidly evolving world, expertise in academic fields including science, technology, engineering, and mathematics, ensures that
students
Use synonyms
 can thrive in competitive job markets. On the other
hands
Fix the agreement mistake
hand
show examples
, some argue about the importance of non-academic
subjects
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as
sports
Use synonyms
 and art. From their perspective,
sports
Use synonyms
 and arts nurture creativity, teamwork, and leadership, which are required life skills that complement academic learning.
In addition
Linking Words
, participating in
sports
Use synonyms
 promotes physical fitness,
while
Linking Words
 music and arts provide stress relief and emotional expression.
Moreover
Linking Words
, not all
students
Use synonyms
 aim for careers requiring academic
rigor
Change the spelling
rigour
show examples
; some may excel in fields like music, athletics, or visual arts, which are equally rewarding. Supporting the notion of
this
Linking Words
 group, I think these
subjects
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 foster personal growth and help
students
Use synonyms
 explore their passions, enriching their
overall
Linking Words
 educational experience. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 scholarly
subjects
Use synonyms
 are undeniably vital for equipping
students
Use synonyms
 with essential skills for future professions, practical disciplines play an equally significant role in developing well-rounded individuals.
Therefore
Linking Words
, a balanced curriculum that incorporates both academic and practical
subjects
Use synonyms
 is key to preparing
students
Use synonyms
 for a successful life.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
While your essay effectively discusses both views and presents a coherent argument, consider strengthening your analysis by providing more specific examples and elaborating on how both academic and non-academic subjects impact life skills and career readiness in various ways.
coherence and cohesion
For even greater clarity, you can improve coherence by ensuring there are smooth transitions between paragraphs. Additionally, varied sentence structures and a broader range of vocabulary can aid in making the essay more engaging.
introduction
Your introduction sets the context well by clearly restating the prompt and presenting your viewpoint.
supported main points
Both body paragraphs thoroughly cover the respective perspectives with logical reasoning and supportive ideas.
conclusion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points, reiterating the importance of a balanced curriculum.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: