The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in school curriculum. To what extent do you agree?

#people #strain #health #care #system #education #lessons #school #curriculum

In today’s modern world, how to properly facilitate the well-rounded development of youngsters has always been raising lots of controversies. Many individuals believe that the greatest way to cope with

this

issue is to have more physical

education

lessons and

sports

activities in school. From my point of view, I totally agree with

this

statement for the following reasons. The first reason for

this

is that the introduction of P.E. classes in the school curriculum will raise the activity level of the

students

. They will have more time to play

sports

and do exercise.

Moreover

this

assists

students

in keeping away from the sedentary lifestyle.

For instance

students

spend a lot of their time sitting when they study, watch TV, and play video games. Particularly, the addition of physical

education

lessons will allow them to do more exercise and keep off the passive lifestyle, which will accommodate a community whose younger members are less likely to face obesity, leading to numerous health risks

such

as heart disease, high blood pressure, diabetes, stroke, and even cancer. The second reason for

this

statement is that the young generation will have a healthy lifestyle from an early age and maintain it until adulthood. From being forced to exercise at school, they will have the habit of exercising regularly,

this

trend could reduce the number of obese people.

Besides

, when children play

sports

with their friends, they can relieve the pressure and increase various essential skills. In the eyes of a youngster, building, pretending, and running are all enjoyable activities, the playfulness of which is regarded to have the positive effects these enjoyable activities have on a child's

overall

development in the social, cognitive, physical, and emotional domains by researchers and educational experts. As an example, playing

sports

in teams like football and basketball will cultivate their communication and problem-solving skills. In conclusion, I believe that the introduction of more physical

education

has a copious benefit for

students

, which is the best way for them to stay away from the overweight problem. We should always make a strong case for the value of physical

education

in schooling programs in order to increase the amount of time kids spend working out.

Submitted by jakelong16091994 on Tue Jan 23 2024

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coherence cohesion

Ensure that the essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea supported by relevant examples and explanations.

coherence cohesion

Make certain that ideas flow logically from one paragraph to the next, using appropriate linking words and phrases to help guide the reader.

task achievement

Address all parts of the task thoroughly, ensuring that the opinion is clear and consistent throughout the essay. Make sure to address any possible counter-arguments to create a more well-rounded response.

coherence cohesion

Use a variety of sentence structures and vocabulary to keep the essay interesting and engaging. Avoid overly simple sentences and try to demonstrate a range of grammatical structures.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

366 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in school curriculum. To what extent do you agree?

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Nowadays, families are not as close as in the past and a lot of people have become used to this. Explain the reasons for this and discuss any possible effects it may have on society.

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems, sugar products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar.

In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. Do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?

The use of social media, e.g. Facebook and Twitter, is replacing face-to-face contact for many people in everyday life. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

Some people think that it is a waste of time for an individual to plan for the future and that it is more important to focus on the present. To what extent do you agree or disagree?