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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Nowadays many families have both parents working. Some working parents believe other family members like grand parents can take care of their children, while others think childcare centres provide the best care. Discuss both views and give your opinion?

#families #parents #members #care #children #childcare #centres
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With the tight work schedule,
Parents
Use synonyms
 believe that the best option to raise their
children
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 is to leave them at home with their granddad or grannie, whilst some think that to leave their
children
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 at
daycare
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.
Firstly
Linking Words
, grannie and granddad are safer options and they are easier to contact as they relate with the
parents
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.
Secondly
Linking Words
, leaving
children
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 at a
daycare
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 provides an experienced expert in raising
children
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 of many types. Leaving their
children
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 with the one that related
such
Linking Words
 as grandfather or grandmother provides guaranteed safety as they were blood-related with the
children
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.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the
children
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 are in family member's responsibility, making them easier to contact.
For example
Linking Words
, if the mother has relaxed time in the office, they could call their father to ask about the
children
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’s condition.
In addition
Linking Words
, Scientists believe that 70% of the granddad or grannie teaching methods are similar to the
parents
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' teaching styles.
Consequently
Linking Words
, the
children
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 are used to both of the
parents
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' teaching styles. Given these points, it is more secure to leave the
children
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 at the grandfather or grandmother's supervision. The other option
besides
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that is
Linking Words
 to entrust the
children
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 with the
daycare
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 following them being the expert to handle many types of
children
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.
However
Linking Words
, some argue that the
children
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 are better within the related custody.
Nonetheless
Linking Words
, some daycares are experienced with various clients and they have another child within their class. Henceforth, the
children
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 could
also
Linking Words
 learn to interact with others. Experts state that the
daycare
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 could increase
children
Use synonyms
’s communication skills by 30%. Seeing that result, the
children
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 are in the expert’s hands and they
also
Linking Words
 learn additional skills. Given the results, entrusting the
children
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 with the
daycare
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 can be an alternative as they are specifically the experts in these areas.
Overall
Linking Words
, handing over the
children
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 to their relatives provides riskless results.
Moreover
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,
daycare
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 could be an alternative as they are expert in handling various types of
children
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.
Thus
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, I strongly suggest the
parents
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 leave their
children
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 with
daycare
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, as not only they are specialists, but
also
Linking Words
 it will not cause inconvenience to the grandparents.
Submitted by arsyiiimuhammad061 on

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task achievement
The essay satisfactorily addresses both views and provides a clear opinion, but consider adding more detailed examples to strengthen your arguments and provide more specificity.
coherence cohesion
The essay is logically structured with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. To enhance coherence, ensure that each point is clearly expanded with sufficient support and smooth transitions between ideas.
task achievement
The essay effectively introduces both perspectives and provides a balanced discussion, which is essential for a good task response.
coherence cohesion
There is a clear logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which aids in coherence and cohesion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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