The costs of medical health care are increasing all the time. Governments are finding it difficult to balance the health care budget. Should citizens be totally responsible for their own health costs and take out private health insurance, or is it better to have a comprehensive health care system which provides free health services for all? Discuss.

#costs #health #care #time #governments #balance #budget #citizens #insurance #system #services

In the contemporary era, health issues are increasing day by day

due to

changes in lifestyle, some individuals believe providing fitness services is a burden on the authorities

instead

can use that budget to improve other services

however

other thinks the state should bear all well-being-related expenses.

This

essay will discuss both views.

To begin

with, we understand development is important for the growth of any healthiness . If authorities have a sufficient budget, they can utilise it to develop other facilities. They can build roads, schools and other amenities.

For example

, if we have a good transport system including roads, train system and ferry transport, we can send goods to different parts of the country and fulfil their requirements.

Moreover

, if individuals change their lifestyle

such

as eating habits and daily exercises they can reduce their strength issues and no longer need any medical assistance.

On the other hand

, in the competitive market, people do not have any guarantee about their job stability if a person loses his/her job. It is not possible to get a job immediately. Meanwhile, if he suffers from any stress or serious health-related problems. In

this

situation

due to

financial hardship, he may not be able to take treatment because he doesn’t have money to pay

such

a huge expensive medicine bill. People are paying taxes to the nation, it becomes the nation’s responsibility to look after their population

furthermore

the country’s growth depends on a healthy generation. In conclusion, development is important for any state with less financial pressure on the authorities

however

, it is the responsibility of the country to look after their population’s well-being issues so they can perform better and stay healthy.

Submitted by rbtech65 on Sat Jan 27 2024

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coherence cohesion

Your essay does present a logical structure, introducing the topic, presenting both sides, and offering a conclusion. To enhance coherence, work on the transition between ideas to make the flow more natural.

coherence cohesion

The introduction and conclusion are present, but they need to be more explicitly related to the essay question. Refine your thesis and ensure your conclusion directly responds to the prompt.

coherence cohesion

Support for main points can be improved by offering more detailed examples and evidence, which will strengthen the argument and make it more persuasive.

task achievement

While the essay addresses the topic, it doesn't fully develop a clear and comprehensive response. Expand your points and deepen the analysis to cover all aspects of the question.

task achievement

The use of specific examples is good but could be more detailed and relevant. Include real-world scenarios or data to back up your points, which will add credibility and depth to your writing.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

282 words

7.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 9.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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