Nowadays, young people are admiring media and sport stars, even though they do not set a good example. do you think this is a positive or negative development?

#people #media #sport #stars #development

these moderen era

Change the determiner

this moderen era

these moderen eras

show examples

public

Add an article

the public

show examples

has

been

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

started to be fans of artists or popular

athlets

Correct your spelling

athletes

although

they do not show

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

commendable action.

this

phenomenon happen based on the fact that

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

every person

has been used

Wrong verb form

is using

show examples

smartphones and now information is easy to obtain for the whole world. I personally think that

this

is a positive development.

to begin

with,

thecnology

Correct your spelling

technology

bring

Verb problem

has

show examples

so many

impact

Change to a plural noun

impacts

show examples

on society and it influences many

people

from

adult

Fix the agreement mistake

adults

show examples

to children. Smartphones are the evidence that technology

now

Rephrase

nowadays

show examples

days

Correct your spelling

has

show examples

become high-tech, where

people

use

it to get information and they can

use

it easily. It leads them to broaden their main about

Add an article

the world

show examples

world

Change the noun form

worlds

show examples

such

as actors or

actris

Correct your spelling

actors

actress

from overseas and even

sport

Change the noun form

sports

show examples

stars. Meanwhile,

people

tend to imitate their

action

Fix the agreement mistake

actions

show examples

or how they look,

for instance

, Korean

artist

Fix the agreement mistake

artists

show examples

become popular in Indonesia and many youngsters

use

their style as a reference for styling their

look

Fix the agreement mistake

looks

show examples

such

colloring

Correct your spelling

colouring

hair.

However

, some of them do not give a good example to society and it is judged that will influence

public

Add an article

the public

show examples

For example

, some Indonesian artists

use

drugs to overcome their

tierd

Correct your spelling

tired

felling

Correct your spelling

feelings

show examples

, It brings options to

public

Add an article

the public

show examples

how tackle their

promblem

Correct your spelling

problem

. In terms of development ,

this

is bring

Change the verb form

brings

show examples

us to know about the various

Change preposition

apply

show examples

people

in many places. It is better to know and support the stars especially when it comes to

proffesional athlets

Correct your spelling

professional athletes

then

Correct your spelling

than

show examples

people

, It will encourage them to do as

better

Rephrase

well

show examples

as their

idol

Fix the agreement mistake

idols

show examples

. As a human

being

Add a comma

being,

show examples

Change the capitalization

show examples

do believe that we have

Change the article

the

show examples

ability to

fillter

Correct your spelling

filter

everything from media and having a

broaden

Replace the word

broad

show examples

knowledge can lead to

have

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

a better life.

To sum up

this

is a positive development because

comunities

Correct your spelling

communities

will have a big

knowlendge

Correct your spelling

knowledge

and some will be influenced to

Correct article usage

the

show examples

right path in their

live

Replace the word

lives

show examples

Submitted by misstiasclassroom on Wed Dec 06 2023

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion

Your essay lacks a clear structure. Ensure that each paragraph has a distinct main idea and that these ideas connect logically to form a coherent argument. Use a range of linking phrases for better flow.

coherence cohesion

The introduction and conclusion should clearly address the question prompt. State your opinion explicitly in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion for a stronger impact.

coherence cohesion

Support your main points with specific details or examples. Avoid general statements and provide clear evidence or reasoning for your arguments.

task achievement

Address all parts of the task. Ensure that your essay responds directly to the question asked, and develop your ideas fully with detailed examples where appropriate.

task achievement

Clarify your ideas for better understanding. Avoid vague statements and ensure that your arguments are explained comprehensively and clearly.

task achievement

Use relevant, specific examples to support your points. This will help illustrate your argument and make it more convincing to the reader.

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
42Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

301 words

4.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 checks
Get all the feedback you need to keep improving your charts and letters.
Unlimited Task 2 checks
Practice and perfect your skills with essays.
Personalized suggestions
Know how to boost your score.
Detailed mistakes analysis
Get instant feedback. Spot every mistake.
Topic ideas generator
Get topic-specific ideas to enhance your writing.
Vocabulary helper
Get the right words for any topic.
Progress tracking
Track your writing improvements.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

7
band
There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.
Nowadays there is a high pressure on kids and younger to be successful in their professional lives, especially in academic subjects.
7
band
Human activities have negative effects on plants and animal species. Some people think that it is too late to do anything about this problem Other people believe that effective measures can be taken to improve this situation. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Plants and species are affected by human activities. A large number of people think that we do not have much time to protect plants and species, whereas others say that effective actions would improve this worst condition. This essay agrees that practical efforts from the authorities would improve this worst circumstance.
5.5
band
Aircraft have been increasingly used to transport fruit and vegetables to some countries where such plants hardly grow or out of season some people consider it a good idea, some are not. Discuss both views and give your opinion
A controversial discussion point is whether fruit and vegetables should be transported by aircraft to others countries that hardly grow or out of season. I contended that the export will ensure food needs and support economic development of agricultural countries contributing to reduce inflation and inventory situation, despite those who believe that it costs a lot of money during transport and susceptible to damage from spoiled food with preservation costs.
5
band
You eat at your college cafeteria every lunchtime. However, you think it needs some improvements. Write a letter to the college magazine. In your letter, Explain what you like about the cafeteria Say what is wrong with it Suggest how it could be improved
I am writing this to inform you, I am sitting in the college canteen for lunch on a daily basis with my friends. I notice the college cafeteria should be updated more.
7.5
band
There are many people who go to live in different countries. To what extent should people be allowed to move freely between countries and live where they choose? What are benefits and drawbacks of this?
In these modern days, everyone passionate about abroad and they wants to settle there. In my opinion, there are massive advantages for people allowed to move freely between countries and also for settlement.

Nowadays, young people are admiring media and sport stars, even though they do not set a good example. do you think this is a positive or negative development?

Human activities have negative effects on plants and animal species. Some people think that it is too late to do anything about this problem Other people believe that effective measures can be taken to improve this situation. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Aircraft have been increasingly used to transport fruit and vegetables to some countries where such plants hardly grow or out of season some people consider it a good idea, some are not. Discuss both views and give your opinion

You eat at your college cafeteria every lunchtime. However, you think it needs some improvements. Write a letter to the college magazine. In your letter, Explain what you like about the cafeteria Say what is wrong with it Suggest how it could be improved

There are many people who go to live in different countries. To what extent should people be allowed to move freely between countries and live where they choose? What are benefits and drawbacks of this?