Nowadays, young people are admiring media and sport stars, even though they do not set a good example. do you think this is a positive or negative development?
In
these moderen era
, Change the determiner
this moderen era
these moderen eras
public
has Add an article
the public
been
started to be fans of artists or popular Unnecessary verb
apply
athlets
, Correct your spelling
athletes
although
they do not show a
commendable action. Correct article usage
apply
this
phenomenon happen based on the fact that,
every person Remove the comma
apply
has been used
smartphones and now information is easy to obtain for the whole world. I personally think that Wrong verb form
is using
this
is a positive development.
to begin
with, thecnology
Correct your spelling
technology
bring
so many Verb problem
has
impact
on society and it influences many Change to a plural noun
impacts
people
from adult
to children. Smartphones are the evidence that technology Fix the agreement mistake
adults
now
Rephrase
nowadays
days
become high-tech, where Correct your spelling
has
people
use
it to get information and they can use
it easily. It leads them to broaden their main about Add an article
the world
world
Change the noun form
worlds
such
as actors or actris
from overseas and even Correct your spelling
actors
actress
sport
stars. Meanwhile, Change the noun form
sports
people
tend to imitate their action
or how they look, Fix the agreement mistake
actions
for instance
, Korean artist
become popular in Indonesia and many youngsters Fix the agreement mistake
artists
use
their style as a reference for styling their look
Fix the agreement mistake
looks
such
as colloring
hair. Correct your spelling
colouring
However
, some of them do not give a good example to society and it is judged that will influence public
. Add an article
the public
For example
, some Indonesian artists use
drugs to overcome their tierd
Correct your spelling
tired
felling
, It brings options to Correct your spelling
feelings
public
how tackle their Add an article
the public
promblem
.
In terms of development , Correct your spelling
problem
this
is bring
us to know about the various Change the verb form
brings
of
Change preposition
apply
people
in many places. It is better to know and support the stars especially when it comes to proffesional athlets
Correct your spelling
professional athletes
then
Correct your spelling
than
people
, It will encourage them to do as better
as their Rephrase
well
idol
. As a human Fix the agreement mistake
idols
being
Add a comma
being,
i
do believe that we have Change the capitalization
I
an
ability to Change the article
the
fillter
everything from media and having a Correct your spelling
filter
broaden
knowledge can lead to Replace the word
broad
have
a better life.
Unnecessary verb
apply
To sum up
, this
is a positive development because comunities
will have a big Correct your spelling
communities
knowlendge
and some will be influenced to Correct your spelling
knowledge
a
right path in their Correct article usage
the
live
.Replace the word
lives
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
coherence cohesion
Your essay lacks a clear structure. Ensure that each paragraph has a distinct main idea and that these ideas connect logically to form a coherent argument. Use a range of linking phrases for better flow.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion should clearly address the question prompt. State your opinion explicitly in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion for a stronger impact.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with specific details or examples. Avoid general statements and provide clear evidence or reasoning for your arguments.
task achievement
Address all parts of the task. Ensure that your essay responds directly to the question asked, and develop your ideas fully with detailed examples where appropriate.
task achievement
Clarify your ideas for better understanding. Avoid vague statements and ensure that your arguments are explained comprehensively and clearly.
task achievement
Use relevant, specific examples to support your points. This will help illustrate your argument and make it more convincing to the reader.