IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

It is important to give children the chance to act independently and make their own decisions from an early age. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this idea?

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Some people believe
children
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 should make their own decisions from a young age.
While
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independence
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 is important, too much freedom can lead to mistakes. I believe
children
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 should develop
independence
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 gradually with proper support. On the one hand, allowing
children
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 to make small decisions helps them become responsible and confident. When they choose their own clothes, decide how to spend
free
Correct pronoun usage
their free
show examples
 time, or solve simple problems, they learn to think for themselves. These experiences teach them important life skills and prepare them for adulthood. Independent
children
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 are more likely to become capable and self-sufficient individuals who can handle challenges.
On the other hand
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, too much
independence
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 at an early age can be risky. Young
children
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 often lack the experience to make safe and responsible choices.
For example
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, if they use money or the internet without guidance, they may face financial problems or online dangers. Without proper supervision, they might
also
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 make unhealthy lifestyle choices,
such
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 as eating too much junk food or not managing their time well.
That is
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 why parents and teachers should provide support, set limits, and help
children
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 understand the consequences of their actions. In conclusion,
independence
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 is important, but
children
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 need guidance to make good decisions. Giving them freedom step by step allows them to grow
while
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 staying safe. A balanced approach will help them become responsible and confident adults.

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task achievement
Your essay presents a clear argument regarding the balance between independence and guidance for children. However, you may want to explore more specific examples to strengthen your points further.
task achievement
Ensure that your main points are fully developed. While your ideas are generally clear, adding more detail would enhance the reader's understanding.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction effectively introduces the topic and presents your position. Consider rephrasing the thesis statement to make it even stronger and more engaging.
coherence and cohesion
The structure of your essay is logical and coherent, making it easy to follow. Nonetheless, you can improve transitions between paragraphs to enhance the flow of ideas.
task achievement
You have provided a balanced view by addressing both the importance of independence and the need for guidance, which enhances the depth of your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your main points and presents a clear final opinion, which is important for a well-rounded essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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