IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2.5

Some children spend hours everyday on their smartphones. Why is this case? Do yo think this is a positive or negative development?

#children #hours #smartphones #case #yo #development
Many
children
take much
Verb problem
spend a lot of
show examples
 time on their cellphones
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
. it
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
happens because their
parents
did
Wrong verb form
do
show examples
 not control them.
Thats
Correct your spelling
That
 is a negative development which can impact their
grow
Replace the word
growth
show examples
 and become lazy. Why
it
Add a missing verb
does it
show examples
is
Verb problem
apply
show examples
occur? it
happen
Change the verb form
happens
show examples
 because
parents
, nowadays, want to spy
their
Change preposition
on their
show examples
children
 without
think
Change the form of the verb
thinking
show examples
 twice. When
parents
busy
Add a missing verb
are busy
show examples
 they know that the phone can help them to know their
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
 position. One
serius
Correct your spelling
serious
 problem
that
Add a missing verb
is that
show examples
 they become
laziness
Replace the word
lazy
show examples
.
Due to it
Change preposition
It
show examples
 can
generate
Verb problem
encourage
show examples
 their
children
 to play
their
Change preposition
with their
show examples
 own
gadget
Fix the agreement mistake
gadgets
show examples
.
For example
,
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
these day
Change the determiner
this day
these days
show examples
, when
parents
 need some help from their
children
, they usually call their son or daughter
should
Verb problem
apply
show examples
two times
sometime
Fix the agreement mistake
sometimes
show examples
 more than that because their child enjoy
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them selves
Correct your spelling
themselves
show examples
.
Other
Correct quantifier usage
Another
show examples
 serious problem is about
thet
Correct your spelling
the
grow
Replace the word
growth
show examples
, which can lead to bad impact. Nowadays,
children
 must know from their
parents
 about how bad
situation
Correct article usage
the situation
show examples
when
Add a missing verb
is when
show examples
 they play
the
Change preposition
on the
show examples
 phone too much.
one
Capitalize word
One
show examples
 of
bad
Add an article
the bad
show examples
impact
Fix the agreement mistake
impacts
show examples
that
Add a missing verb
is that
show examples
 it can
iritate
Correct your spelling
irritate
 their eyes and they have to wear glasses. In
conlusion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
,
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
these days people who have a child
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 to control their
children
. Because many
aspect
Change to a plural noun
aspects
show examples
can done
such
 as
their did
Verb problem
they
show examples
 not want to do any kind and it can be a problem for their future/
Submitted by e.warikar on

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Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph should contain a single main idea supported by relevant examples or explanations.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your introduction needs to clearly address the question and outline your position. Similarly, the conclusion should restate your position and summarise the main points of your argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay should logically expand on each point with clear, developed ideas. Paragraphs should be distinct, with each having a clear main point that is elaborated upon.
Task Achievement
It is crucial to respond directly to the task questions. In this case, discuss why children spend hours on their smartphones and provide a focused response as to whether this is positive or negative, with clear reasoning.
Task Achievement
Use a range of vocabulary to express your ideas more precisely and vary your sentence structures to showcase your language skills. Avoid repetition of words and phrases.
Task Achievement
Include relevant, specific examples to support your points, making sure they contribute to answering the task questions. Generic statements and unsupported claims weaken your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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