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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

some people said that the best way to teach a child about co-operate is team sport? agree or disagree?

#people #child #co-operate #team #sport
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Some people say that the most effective way to educate children about collaboration is by engaging them in
team
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sports
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. I completely agree with
this
Linking Words
 notion because of a wide range of reasons which I will clarify in
this
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 essay. On the one hand, working with
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
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 members to win a game enhances individuals’ interpersonal skills including communication and conflict resolution.
Firstly
Linking Words
, as a nature of
sports
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, teamwork has typical requirements related to internal discussions. It means that players need to communicate their intentions, strategies and positions on the field to work together effectively,
subsequently
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, leading to the development of listening and conveying information efficiently.
Secondly
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, engaging in a
team
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 sport develops internal problem-solving skills among teammates. It is inevitable that there are disagreements and conflicts when working in a
team
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, providing children with opportunities to improve their conflict solution skills as they can learn how to navigate differences of opinions and find compromise within a
team
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 teaching youngsters how to handle conflicts in a constructive and cooperative manner.
On the other hand
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,
team
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sports
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also
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 promote lessons having to do with shared goals. Participants will have chances to learn to respect their members, follow rules, and understand the importance of working together to achieve success, resulting in appropriate attitudes related to cooperation, respect, and empathy towards others, both on and off the field. If parents or teachers do not involve
team
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sports
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 in education, adolescents might tend to grow up towards natural human characteristics
such
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 as being selfish or always prioritizing themselves before considering collective objectives.
For example
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, Psychology Today stated that people who participate in
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team works
Correct your spelling
teamwork
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 during the growing-up stage are twice as likely to develop good personalities. In conclusion, I totally believe that teaching children cooperation by applying
team
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sports
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 is definitely the most efficient approach in education.
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coherence cohesion
While your essay demonstrates a structured approach with an evident introduction and conclusion, along with a logical flow of ideas, there is room for improvement in the complexity and variety of linking words and cohesive devices used throughout the essay. Employing a wider range of these could enhance the coherence significantly.
task achievement
Your task response is on the right track with a complete answer to the prompt and clear ideas being communicated. However, the essay would benefit from a more explicit statement of your thesis in the introduction, a variety of sentence structures and more detailed, specific examples to support your arguments. This will improve the persuasiveness and depth of your essay and ensure that your ideas are conveyed with more impact.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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