IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

some people said that the best way to teach a child about co-operate is team sport? agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Some people say that the most effective way to educate children about collaboration is by engaging them in
team
Use synonyms
sports
Use synonyms
. I completely agree with
this
Linking Words
 notion because of a wide range of reasons which I will clarify in
this
Linking Words
 essay. On the one hand, working with
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
 members to win a game enhances individuals’ interpersonal skills including communication and conflict resolution.
Firstly
Linking Words
, as a nature of
sports
Use synonyms
, teamwork has typical requirements related to internal discussions. It means that players need to communicate their intentions, strategies and positions on the field to work together effectively,
subsequently
Linking Words
, leading to the development of listening and conveying information efficiently.
Secondly
Linking Words
, engaging in a
team
Use synonyms
 sport develops internal problem-solving skills among teammates. It is inevitable that there are disagreements and conflicts when working in a
team
Use synonyms
, providing children with opportunities to improve their conflict solution skills as they can learn how to navigate differences of opinions and find compromise within a
team
Use synonyms
 teaching youngsters how to handle conflicts in a constructive and cooperative manner.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
team
Use synonyms
sports
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 promote lessons having to do with shared goals. Participants will have chances to learn to respect their members, follow rules, and understand the importance of working together to achieve success, resulting in appropriate attitudes related to cooperation, respect, and empathy towards others, both on and off the field. If parents or teachers do not involve
team
Use synonyms
sports
Use synonyms
 in education, adolescents might tend to grow up towards natural human characteristics
such
Linking Words
 as being selfish or always prioritizing themselves before considering collective objectives.
For example
Linking Words
, Psychology Today stated that people who participate in
Use synonyms
team works
Correct your spelling
teamwork
show examples
 during the growing-up stage are twice as likely to develop good personalities. In conclusion, I totally believe that teaching children cooperation by applying
team
Use synonyms
sports
Use synonyms
 is definitely the most efficient approach in education.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
While your essay demonstrates a structured approach with an evident introduction and conclusion, along with a logical flow of ideas, there is room for improvement in the complexity and variety of linking words and cohesive devices used throughout the essay. Employing a wider range of these could enhance the coherence significantly.
task achievement
Your task response is on the right track with a complete answer to the prompt and clear ideas being communicated. However, the essay would benefit from a more explicit statement of your thesis in the introduction, a variety of sentence structures and more detailed, specific examples to support your arguments. This will improve the persuasiveness and depth of your essay and ensure that your ideas are conveyed with more impact.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: