The diagram below shows the life cycle of the salmon. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and making comparisons where relevant.

The diagram below shows the life cycle of the salmon. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and making comparisons where relevant.
The diagram gives detailed information about the process by which a
salmon
goes through
lifecycle
Correct pronoun usage
its lifecycle
show examples
.
Overall
,the
lifecycle
of the
salmon
has six main stages, from an egg to the development of the adult . The
lifecycle
commences when the adult
salmon
lays eggs on the underwater ground ,sheltered by small stones .
Then
, the eggs hatch into small fish known as " alevan", with only tail and eyes. In the remaining steps,
this
water creature grows in size over time.
For example
, the alevan continues life to develop its characteristic shape and length and becomes a " fry" with external gills and fins on each side. Next , it gets bigger about three or four times its original size and is known as a " parr" .
Finally
, during the sixth and seventh phases of the
lifecycle
, they are referred to as " smolt" and " adult" respectively.
However
the former is immature regarding width and length ,
while
the latter becomes a fully-grown
salmon
and the
lifecycle
begins again.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
Vocabulary: Replace the words salmon, lifecycle with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • cycle
  • diagram
  • life cycle
  • main features
  • overview
  • stage
  • salmon
  • comparison
  • differences
  • significant
  • summarize
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