Some people think that spending a lot of money on wedding parties and other celebrations is just a waste. Others, however, think that such events are necessary, so spending money on them is acceptable. Discuss both the views and give your opinion.
In
today
materialistic society some folk view it Change noun form
today's
is
crucial to spend a lot of Correct your spelling
as
money
on wedding
and Fix the agreement mistake
weddings
another
Fix the agreement mistake
other celebrations
celebration
,While
others view this
trend is
merely Correct your spelling
as
waste
of Correct article usage
a waste
money
. In this
essay, I will discuss these prospectives
and highlight my opinion.
In the presence of Replace the word
prospects
Internet
and social media Add an article
the Internet
platforms
the Add a comma
platforms,
phenomena
of displaying Fix the agreement mistake
phenomenon
the
materialistic things Correct article usage
apply
are
become a trend.
Wedding Verb problem
has
celebration
and parties Fix the agreement mistake
celebrations
one
of these trends and people tend to show their place in society by spending a huge Add a missing verb
are one
money
on celebration
venu
,decoration and services without Correct your spelling
venue
care
about how much they spend.
Wrong verb form
caring
On the other hand
,many of
individuals Change preposition
apply
knew
very well Wrong verb form
know
of
the importance of Change preposition
apply
money
, today spending on vital issues such
as education healthcare and entertainment. I would argue that spending money
by reasonable and give a
priority when spending cash Correct article usage
apply
for instance
, It’s
okay to have a memorable wedding ceremony but Verb problem
it is
also
thought
about the next duty which Wrong verb form
think
require
Change the verb form
requires
a
Remove the article
apply
money
Rephrase
apply
also
.
In
Correct word choice
Overall
overall
,It is undeniable that some people view celebration
by
superficial ,Change preposition
as
while
others know the valuable
and priority Replace the word
value
on
spending Change preposition
of
this
cash.Submitted by enasawad68 on
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task achievement
While you have addressed the question to some degree, your essay somewhat digresses from the specific points of discussion, reflecting a moderate performance in task achievement. You need to ensure that your ideas directly and comprehensively respond to the given prompt, providing relevant, well-explained examples. The introduction and conclusion are present, but they do not clearly establish and summarize your main points and opinion, which is crucial for a strong task response.
coherence cohesion
In terms of coherence and cohesion, you need to work on the logical organization of your essay. The ideas are not presented in a clear, logical sequence, making it difficult to follow your line of reasoning. Moreover, the use of connectives and transitions should be improved to smoothly guide the reader through your arguments. There is a need for better paragraphing, with clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that signpost the main idea.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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