Some people think that spending a lot of money on wedding parties and other celebrations is just a waste. Others, however, think that such events are necessary, so spending money on them is acceptable. Discuss both the views and give your opinion.

In
today
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today's
show examples
materialistic society some folk view it
is
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as
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crucial to spend a lot of
money
on
wedding
Fix the agreement mistake
weddings
show examples
and
another
Fix the agreement mistake
other celebrations
show examples
celebration
,
While
others view
this
trend
is
Correct your spelling
as
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merely
waste
Correct article usage
a waste
show examples
of
money
. In
this
essay, I will discuss these
prospectives
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prospects
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and highlight my opinion. In the presence of
Internet
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the Internet
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and social media
platforms
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platforms,
show examples
the
phenomena
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phenomenon
show examples
of displaying
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
materialistic things
are
Verb problem
has
show examples
become a trend. Wedding
celebration
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celebrations
show examples
and parties
one
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are one
show examples
of these trends and people tend to show their place in society by spending a huge
money
on
celebration
venu
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venue
,decoration and services without
care
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caring
show examples
about how much they spend.
On the other hand
,many
of
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apply
show examples
individuals
knew
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know
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very well
of
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apply
show examples
the importance of
money
, today spending on vital issues
such
as education healthcare and entertainment. I would argue that spending
money
by reasonable and give
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
priority when spending cash
for instance
,
It’s
Verb problem
it is
show examples
okay to have a memorable wedding ceremony but
also
thought
Wrong verb form
think
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about the next duty which
require
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requires
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a
Remove the article
apply
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money
Rephrase
apply
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also
.
In
Correct word choice
Overall
show examples
overall
,It is undeniable that some people view
celebration
by
Change preposition
as
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superficial ,
while
others know the
valuable
Replace the word
value
show examples
and priority
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
spending
this
cash.
Submitted by enasawad68 on

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task achievement
While you have addressed the question to some degree, your essay somewhat digresses from the specific points of discussion, reflecting a moderate performance in task achievement. You need to ensure that your ideas directly and comprehensively respond to the given prompt, providing relevant, well-explained examples. The introduction and conclusion are present, but they do not clearly establish and summarize your main points and opinion, which is crucial for a strong task response.
coherence cohesion
In terms of coherence and cohesion, you need to work on the logical organization of your essay. The ideas are not presented in a clear, logical sequence, making it difficult to follow your line of reasoning. Moreover, the use of connectives and transitions should be improved to smoothly guide the reader through your arguments. There is a need for better paragraphing, with clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that signpost the main idea.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • extravagant
  • waste of money
  • financial burden
  • priorities
  • materialistic values
  • unrealistic expectations
  • special occasion
  • celebration
  • strengthening relationships
  • social bonds
  • boosting local economies
  • creating jobs
  • lasting memories
  • financial responsibility
What to do next:
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