IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people argue that companies and private individual rather than government should pay the bills of pollution. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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Some individuals discuss that companies
in addition
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 to private individuals rather than the
government
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 must pay the
bills
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 for
pollution
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. my opinion, I certainly agree with
this
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 statement
according to
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 the following reasons which are the development of the
country
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 and extra attention to the environment from
citizens
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.
Firstly
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,
bills
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 of
pollution
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 will help the deployment of the
country
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.
in other words
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,
while
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 people pay the
bills
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 of
pollution
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Rephrase
apply
show examples
however
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, the
government
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 will be able to improve the
country
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 in terms of the economy of the
country
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consequently
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, the
government
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 will exploit that to improve their own
country
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. One clear example
,
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apply
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 is in Yemen, Yemeni
citizens
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 always pay the
bills
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 for
pollution
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 to save the
government
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’s money for improvement which leads to improving their own
country
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.
Thus
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, it will be useful for their state to improve faster and it will yield to them in a good way.
Secondly
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, most people will pay more attention in terms of preserving of environment. To illustrate, if the
government
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 force their
citizens
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 to pay the
bills
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 for
pollution
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, they will try to take more care of the environment and
in addition
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, they will try to reduce the damage of
pollution
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 to save their money.
As a result
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, individuals will be careful of the
pollution
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 because of the cost it will yield to them.
To sum up
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, in my opinion, I totally agree with
this
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 statement because of the development of the
country
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in addition
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 to extra attention from
citizens
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. if the
government
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 forced their
citizens
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 to pay for
bills
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 of
pollution
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, they would provide a lot of money and it would be helpful for them.

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task achievement
The essay inadequately addresses the prompt, with limited expansion on ideas and examples. Aim to present a clear position throughout the response and provide a more robust development of arguments with adequate support and specifics.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay needs improvement. There should be a clear progression of ideas with appropriate paragraphing and use of cohesive devices. Ensure your introduction sets the topic and presents your thesis, while the conclusion effectively summarizes your points without introducing new information.
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