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Writing Samples
Band 6

In many countries in the world, some people earn extremely high salaries. Some people think that this good for a country. Others think that the government should not allow salaries above a certain level. Discuss the both views and give your opinion

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In a huge
number
Use synonyms
 of countries, some
individuals
Use synonyms
 have extremely high-paying jobs. Some consider it a boon for the nation because incentives can motivate employees to
work
Use synonyms
 harder. Meanwhile, some believe the government should enforce restrictions on it, as it increases discrimination among the
population
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. I agree with the former statement, it is a beneficial trend as it helpful to reduce the
number
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 of
people
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 migrating for a pay raise. Some
people
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 believe that high-paying jobs are one of the
reason
Change to a plural noun
reasons
show examples
 for increasing discrimination among the
population
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. It increases the belief that economic conditions define an individual’s worth.
This
Linking Words
 leads to a decrease in trust, empathy, and sympathy among the
people
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 and it can
also
Linking Words
 have a negative effect on the mental and physical health of an individual.
For example
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, the
number
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 of
people
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 suffering from depression has witnessed a rise with increasing capitalism.
However
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, some proportion of the
population
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 thinks
high-pay
Correct your spelling
high-paying
show examples
 grade motivates
individuals
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 to
work
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 harder and be promoted to higher posts at
work
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 to receive appraisal. It develops a sense of healthy competition among the colleagues which can motivate the employee to
work
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 harder and improve.
For example
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, the percentage of the appraisal is decided
according to
Linking Words
 an individual contribution to the company. In my opinion, it is necessary to reward the more skilful and talented
individuals
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.
This
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 helps them to stay motivated and perform up to their potential.
Furthermore
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,
this
Linking Words
 will
also
Linking Words
 help to decrease the
number
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 of
people
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 migrating to different countries for high salaries.
For example
Linking Words
, a high
number
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 of the Indian
population
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 migrates to different countries because of fewer opportunities for high-pay checks. In conclusion,
high -paying
Correct your spelling
high-paying
show examples
 jobs are good for the country as
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 increase healthy competition, keep an individual motivated to
work
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 harder and
also
Linking Words
 help the country to retain their talented
individuals
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.

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task achievement
Consider expanding your introduction to provide a more comprehensive overview of the topic. Providing a brief summary of both views can help set the stage for your discussion.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to clarify some points for better coherence. For example, the transition between paragraphs could be smoother, connecting your ideas more clearly.
task achievement
Try to include more diverse examples to support your arguments. This could strengthen your points and illustrate your ideas more effectively.
task achievement
Your essay presents a clear opinion and engages with both sides of the argument, which is commendable.
task achievement
You've made a good effort to connect high salaries with motivation and competition in the workplace.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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