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Band 6

More and more young people are using drugs and alcohol these days. What are the causes of this problem? What are some possible solutions?

#people #drugs #alcohol
Nowadays the number of adolescents who are consuming
drugs
 and ethanol is increasing.
This
 essay suggests that the main root causes of these phenomena are being in the
trend
 which is going on among young
people
 and depression, and submit that
parents
 and organizations should encourage healthy lifestyles
are
Change preposition
as are
show examples
 main solutions. The primary causes of
this
trend
 are the
trend
 going on in social media and their depression. There are a lot of groups and communities in social apps
such
 as TikTok , and Instagram where
people
 take
this
 dark lifestyle as "aesthetic" and share it through users. Teenagers who are always ready to be in
trend
 take up
this
 "aesthetic".
Furthermore
, young
people
 consume those things because it helps them forget about their life which is falling apart.When they are depressed and feel down they
drink
 and consume
drugs
 and for a considerable amount of time they can forget about it.
For example
, a survey from Russia shows that 64% per cent of adolescents used
drugs
 and
drink
 because they were stressed and depressed and they had no one to rely on. The possible solutions to
this
 problem would be
parents
 teaching their offspring about the bad effects of alcohol and
drugs
, and the communities spreading wellness among
younger
Add an article
the younger
show examples
 generation. From a young age, children take their
parents
 as their role models and their opinions and interests in certain things come from their role models. If
parents
 are more responsible for
this
 and teach them right, the number of teenagers using
drugs
 will decrease.
Also
, there are many communities which are responsible for the health of society. But they encourage healthy activities in real life forgetting about the things
are
Correct pronoun usage
that are
show examples
 going on in social apps.If they are more active in social format too , it would have positive effects.
For example
, there is a page on Instagram
weareurban
Correct your spelling
were urban
, which encourages a healthy lifestyle and reminds young
people
 that "it's okay not to be okay" and you don't have to
drink
 for that. In conclusion, adolescents take
drugs
 and
drink
 alcohol because of social media trends and depression;
however
,if
parents
 nurture their offspring by always reminding them that it has a bad effect on health and associations which are responsible for health will take care of young
people
 in social media too, it would be solved.
Submitted by forcookiearu on

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coherence cohesion
Focus on developing a clear logical structure by arranging ideas in a more systematic manner. Use paragraphs effectively to separate different points.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are present but could be more impactful by clearly stating the essay's argument and summarising the main points more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with more detailed and developed examples. Expand on the causes and solutions by giving more in-depth explanations.
task achievement
The response is complete, but ensure all parts of the prompt are fully addressed. Cover both causes and solutions equally.
task achievement
Ideas are clear, but they need to be expressed more comprehensively. Aim for depth over breadth, providing a full exploration of fewer points rather than a surface treatment of many.
task achievement
Include more relevant and specific examples to back up your points. Use real-world instances or data to strengthen your arguments where possible.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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