IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the expenditure of 2 countries on consumer goods in 2010.

The chart below shows the expenditure of 2 countries on consumer goods in 2010.
#expenditure #countries #consumer #goods
The bar chart compares the amount of
money
 spent on five various types of
consumer
goods
such
 as cars, computers, books, perfume and cameras in France and the
UK
 in 2010. Units are measured as pounds sterling.
In
Change preposition
Overall
show examples
overall
, it
clearly
Add a missing verb
is clearly
show examples
 apparent that the
UK
 spent much more
money
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
consumer
goods
rather
Rephrase
apply
show examples
than France for the given period. Both The
UK
 and France spent the most of their
money
 on cars and the least amount of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
money
spending
Replace the word
spent
show examples
 on perfume respectively. In terms of cars, the population of the
UK
 spent about 450k
punds
Correct your spelling
pounds
 on
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
consumer
goods
 and about 400k
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 French .
Similarly
, the British expenditure was lower on the books than the French, 400k and 350k
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
respectively.
On the other hand
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
consumer
 spending
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 books was the second most spending area for the
UK
 population.
By contrast
,
French
Correct article usage
the French
show examples
 population spent less than 100k
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
this
Change the determiner
these consumer goods
show examples
consumer
goods
 respectively. Turning to
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 2
consumer
goods
,
such
 as perfume and cameras, the amount of
money
spending
Replace the word
spent
show examples
 is the least 2 items for
French
Correct article usage
the French
show examples
 and another side The
UK
made
Verb problem
spent
show examples
 more spending for
camera
Fix the agreement mistake
cameras
show examples
 respectively.
Submitted by babayeva.ilayda on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "such".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words money, consumer, goods, uk, k with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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