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Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

2)The government should sometimes infringe on people’s freedom for the secutity of society. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement

#government #people’s #freedom #secutity #society
Ability
Correct article usage
The ability
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 to express yourself and act freely is a reflection of the extent of a society's civilization.
However
,
this
 might have some serious
cosequences
Correct your spelling
consequences
 if left without restrictions. I will present both views,
complications
Correct word choice
and complications
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 and present my opinion
in
Change preposition
on
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 it. Freedom of
speech
, act and belief is always considered a precise indication of how civilized a society is. What's more, it is one of the pillars
that is
 measured by the United Nations for ranking countries on
basis
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the basis
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 of liberty and modernization. In most
western
Capitalize word
Western
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 advanced societies, people believe that it is a must that
governments
 listen to their needs and respond to them and
this
 could not be possibly achieved without allowing a high ceiling of
speech
 and press.
On the other hand
, it is expected that
governments
 interrupt those advantages in case security
was
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
threatend
Correct your spelling
threatened
.
For Instance
, at times of conflict or war, it's not a surprise that
governments
control
press
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the press
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 and
speech
 to ensure that things
dont
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don't
 get out of
control
 and explode into
Add an article
a riot
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riot
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riots
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. Many
governments
 throughout
times
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time
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 had to
control
socila
Correct your spelling
social
 media and applications like
twitter
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Twitter
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 just to
control
rumor
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rumors
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,
heat
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and heat
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 and to ensure that things are not pushed into
viollence
Correct your spelling
violence
 or crime. Another example is protestors, who are expected to
take
Verb problem
get
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an
Remove the article
apply
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official permission first before going out to express their needs and demands,
otherwise
 chaos can easily happen. To summarize
this
,
although
 having the privilege of
free
Add an article
a free
the free
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 press is crucial and looks elegant, a nation's security always comes first. I strongly believe that any country has the right to
control
it's
Replace the word
its
show examples
 stability using any measures needed,
then
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and then
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 luxury things like freedom of
speech
 and opinion can follow.
Submitted by e.g.slais on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay shows a basic logical structure, but you should work on creating clearer paragraph divisions, and making sure that each paragraph has a clear central idea which is elaborated upon sufficiently. Connect your ideas with a range of cohesive devices.
Task Achievement
While you have addressed the task, you should aim to develop your position more fully throughout the response. Clearly state your opinion and ensure consistency in your argument. Each paragraph should include clear main ideas and be expanded with more specific examples or explanations to effectively support your viewpoint.
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