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Band 5

Advertisements are becoming more and more common in everyday life. Is it a positive or negative development?

#advertisements #life #development
Advertisements take up more and more space in daily life. In my opinion,
advertisements
Correct article usage
the advertisements
show examples
 increasing
day
 by
day
 is a positive
development
 which can lead to improved competition among
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
companies
 and
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
ensure a growing national economy.
To begin
 with, there are positive consequences of advertising increasing
day
 by
day
 for
companies
 and
customers
.
Most
Add an article
A most
The most
show examples
 important
development
 is that
this
 can ensure more competition among the dominant
companies
 in the market.
This
 leads to
companies
 to
increase
 their
product
 diversity and they try to enhance their customer satisfaction. In
this
 way,
customers
 can have a choice
of
Change preposition
between
show examples
 a better
product
 and
better
Correct article usage
a better
show examples
 purchase. Take some
customers
, who have some criteria for choosing a
product
,
for example
; they can create an attention-grabbing difference in the quality of
product
Add an article
the product
a product
show examples
 as they are picky people.
Moreover
,
this
 can provide positive
development
 for the national economy.
Advertisement
Fix the agreement mistake
Advertisements
show examples
 can encourage the economic growth of businesses in many different sectors.
This
 promotion
firstly
 owns
companies
' improvement economically that can be through attracting more
customers
 and
then
 it contributes to their industries that more money is in circulation as both production and consumption
increase
. All of these may lead to economic welfare which can
increase
 employment and can create new job opportunities. In
this
 way, the country's economy has benefited from the positive effect of these.
To conclude
,
although
 the
increase
 in advertising may seem bad at first that it becomes more and more popular, it has brought some positive consequences for
this
 to be considered
positive
Add an article
a positive
show examples
development
.
Submitted by ilknurkaradmn on

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introduction conclusion present
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which is good, but they could be clearer and more articulate, offering a stronger thesis statement and summary of arguments.
logical structure
For coherence and cohesion, ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea that is expanded upon. Use a range of linking words and phrases to create better flow between sentences and paragraphs.
supported main points
Your body paragraphs do start with topic sentences, but the development of the ideas could benefit from more specific examples and elaboration to fully support the points made. Try to incorporate evidence or data to back up your statements for a stronger argument.
complete response
While the essay addresses the prompt, the ideas could be more fully extended. Be sure to answer all parts of the question and develop each point thoroughly. Refer to the prompt regularly to stay on track.
clear comprehensive ideas
The ideas in the essay are understandable but could be expressed more precisely and with a greater degree of clarity. Aim for a more sophisticated range of vocabulary and sentence structures.
relevant specific examples
You provided some general examples, but to achieve a higher score, include more detailed and specific examples that are directly relevant to the points you're making.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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