Some people think it is a better way to leave their own country to improve their work and living opportunities, while others think that staying in their own country is better choice. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
One of the social concerns today relates to
leave
Change the verb form
leaving
country
to develop Add an article
the country
work
and have a better life. Beside
, there are people who intend to settle in Replace the word
Besides
homtown
as a better choice. In my opinion, Correct your spelling
hometown
i
Change the capitalization
I
belived
that Correct your spelling
believe
believed
leave
Wrong verb form
leaving
country
to develop Add an article
the country
work
or stay
in Wrong verb form
staying
country
all bring different benefits.
On the one hand, it is Add an article
the country
agrued
by some that Correct your spelling
argued
agreed
leave
Wrong verb form
leaving
country
to improve their Add an article
the country
work
is better
way Correct article usage
a better
beacause
, the main reason is that they can Correct your spelling
because
fulfill
their dream job wishes that their Change the spelling
fulfil
country
does not have, It is also
possible to say that are
very difficult to achieve in their Change the verb form
is
country
. One good illustrates of this
is study
abroad and Wrong verb form
studying
get
a good job to fulfill their dream. Another reason is, Wrong verb form
getting
expand
your relationships and Fix the infinitive
to expand
work
in a multinational environment. For example
, working in Japan you can learn the pinctuality
of Japanese people or working with an American you can get the heart of the job.
Correct your spelling
punctuality
On the other hand
, it is strongly believed by others that staying country
also
is better
choice because you can help your Add an article
a better
the better
country
develop more. A second point is that, apply the practical experience you have gatherd
, Correct your spelling
gathered
while
being able to live near relatives and friends. A particularly good example here is when your relative is in trouble or sick, working in your country
you can provide quick support to avoid unfortunate problems from occurring.
In conclusion, work
in Wrong verb form
working
country
or abroad all have benefits. Personally, I tend to believe Add an article
the country
a country
that is
a decision for each individual and as long as they can become an exemplary citizen to help develop the country
and help their families have a better life.Submitted by yeshomeclass on
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coherence cohesion
Your essay structure follows a basic format with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, it needs significant improvement in clarity and logical progression.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are present but they lack clarity and do not effectively present the main topic and summarize the key points of the essay. Keep practicing on how to write strong introductions and conclusions to have a better impact.
coherence cohesion
You have presented main points, but they are not always supported by clear, specific, and relevant examples. Providing clear examples enhances the argument's persuasiveness and coherence.
task achievement
You've addressed the task and attempted to discuss both views and your own opinion, but your response lacks depth and a clear comprehensive analysis. Work on expanding your explanations and provide more nuanced arguments.
task achievement
Your ideas are somewhat clear, but you could benefit from developing them further. Work on writing more comprehensive ideas by delving deeper into each point and explaining their significance.
task achievement
While some examples are provided to support your points, they are not always relevant or specific enough. Use examples that are directly related to the main points you are trying to convey.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite