IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

More and more students are choosing to study at colleges and universities in foreign countries. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this.

#students #study #colleges #universities #countries
A growing number of students place a premium on pursuing their higher education abroad.
Although
 attending foreign universities than their own countries has many benefits, the drawbacks involved are
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
importance
Replace the word
important
show examples
 to
be discussed
Wrong verb form
discuss
show examples
. On the plus side, it appears that studying abroad proves beneficial. The first benefit is concerned with more opportunities in the target
country
. Simply put, young people continue their studies in universities where studying is supposed to be more facilitated in comparison with their home
country
.
This
 in turn paves the way for either academic or professional progress, affecting manifold aspects of their life. An obvious example of
this
 situation is an avid student from a developing
country
 looking for well-equipped laboratories in order to find a cure for hard-curable diseases
such
 as cancer, by which the whole world would no longer be threatened. Students’
network
Fix the agreement mistake
networks
show examples
,
moreover
, could be enhanced as they collaborate with international peers and academics, thereby boosting the chance of employability in the upcoming opportunities. Having said that, the downside of receiving overseas education should not be underestimated.
To begin
 with, if their ideology or race is improperly introduced to the world, non-native students are likely prone to discrimination. As a direct result, all their attempt
for integrating
Change preposition
to integrate
show examples
 into society would fail and they are left
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
 nothing but a traumatic experience. Take a young girl from an Islamic
country
for example
; what may come under fire when she enters the campus with her Muslim-themed appearance is the idea of being a terrorist,
permeated
Wrong verb form
permeating
show examples
 other classmates’
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
show examples
 by the power of media. Another evident disadvantageous side is
high
Correct article usage
the high
show examples
 costs of living in foreign countries, especially progressive ones,
such
 as America. Newcomers should burden the cost of maybe prohibitive tuition fees or accommodation, which were up to their parents heretofore. On balance, the tendency
of studying
Change preposition
to study
show examples
 overseas would be both rewarding and problematic.
While
 it may guarantee their future remarkable achievements and provide them with more opportunities, students are highly likely to suffer from harassment
as well as
 financial difficulties.
Submitted by Razaghimajid on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Your essay demonstrates a clear structure, but transitions between ideas can be made smoother. Work on using a wider range of cohesive devices and creating paragraphs that seamlessly flow from one to the next.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, but your introduction could be more engaging by offering a hook, and the conclusion could better summarize both sides of the argument and restate your opinion.
coherence cohesion
Main points are supported, but could be strengthened by developing your arguments further; extend on the implications of advantages and disadvantages, bringing in more concrete data or sources to substantiate your claims.
task achievement
Your essay sufficiently addresses the task, presenting both sides of the argument. However, ensure that the response fully covers all parts of the prompt and that both advantages and disadvantages are balanced.
task achievement
Your ideas are mostly clear and comprehensive, yet some complexity and depth in your analysis are needed to demonstrate higher-level critical thinking skills. Further explore the consequences and nuances of each advantage and disadvantage.
task achievement
While your essay provides examples, strive to use more relevant and specific illustrations to directly support your points. Use statistics, studies, or more vivid anecdotes to make your argument more persuasive.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cross-cultural understanding
  • Specialized courses
  • Personal growth
  • Financial strain
  • Tuition
  • Cultural differences
  • Isolation
  • Homesickness
  • Educational systems
  • Academic performance
What to do next:
Look at other essays: