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Writing Samples
Band 4

Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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In the contemporary era, an increasing number of
people
Use synonyms
 try various curative medical approaches
whitout
Correct your spelling
without
 visiting the doctors.
Although
Linking Words
 less time and energy are spent to visit a doctor, especially in poor countries,
this
Linking Words
 trend is
absouletly
Correct your spelling
absolutely
 detrimental for humans. The reason is that using
outragous
Correct your spelling
outrageous
 medicines makes
Use synonyms
body
Correct article usage
the body
show examples
 resistant to medical treatments, and in cases
that
Correct word choice
where
show examples
 they cannot find the dose of medicine that their
body
Use synonyms
get
Change the verb form
gets
show examples
 used to, they encounter
will
Verb problem
apply
show examples
serious pains. Population boom leads to
have less
Verb problem
fewer
show examples
 medical practitioners per person globally.
Consequently
Linking Words
, in under-developed countries, many
people
Use synonyms
 spend their time
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 long waiting lists
of
Change preposition
at
show examples
 hospitals to have a simple remedial action or drug.
This
Linking Words
 trend is
heightend
Correct your spelling
heightened
 by the lack of intricate medical machinery like MRI
scanner
Fix the agreement mistake
scanners
show examples
 in these nations. So, the only solution for
people
Use synonyms
 is finding drugs to cure themselves and free themselves from the
pains
Fix the agreement mistake
pain
show examples
 of diseases.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
immodearate
Correct your spelling
immoderate
moderate
 drug consumption can change the
Use synonyms
body
Change noun form
body's
show examples
 reaction to medicines
such
Linking Words
 as painkillers. As can be seen in
thirld-world
Correct your spelling
third-world
 countries where
people
Use synonyms
 do not earn enough to afford
visiting
Change the verb form
to visit
show examples
Correct article usage
the doctor
show examples
doctor
Fix the agreement mistake
doctors
show examples
 frequently,
self-tratment
Correct your spelling
self-treatment
 is a common habit. A compelling illustration is that these
people
Use synonyms
 take the same kind and dose of tranquilizers for every kind of pain, whether in
head
Add an article
the head
show examples
, back, or any other organ of their
body
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, after a
while
Linking Words
, their
body
Use synonyms
 will resist
such
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 medicines and they have to inject more powerful painkillers like
morphines
Correct your spelling
morphine
 which can bear dire consequences to their health. In conclusion, in third-world nations, not
well-equiped
Correct your spelling
well-equipped
 with complicated medical tools,
people
Use synonyms
 are compelled to combat
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their health issues themselves.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 action is absolutely negative with dangerous consequences to their health.

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Task Achievement
While your introduction and conclusion are present, they lack proper paraphrasing of the prompt and do not clearly state your position on the topic, which is essential for task response. Make sure to paraphrase the prompt effectively and state a clear opinion.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay lacks a clear central idea in each paragraph. Make sure each paragraph has one main idea that is developed with relevant explanations and examples. Do not veer off-topic or introduce new ideas without proper development.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay demonstrates a weak logical structure, making it hard to follow the argument. Use clear topic sentences and ensure subsequent sentences elaborate on that point. Transitions between ideas and paragraphs also need improvement for better readability.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • alternative medicines
  • treatments
  • positive development
  • negative development
  • health problems
  • usual doctor
  • access
  • personalized approach
  • holistic well-being
  • lack of regulation
  • evidence-based research
  • proper medical treatment
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