IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people believe that visitors to other countries should follow local customs and behavior. Others disagree and think that the host country should welcome cultural differences. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

#people #visitors #countries #customs #behavior #host #country #differences
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There are conflicting views about whether visitors follow local norms or whether the host
country
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 should welcome differences in
culture
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. I believe tourists should learn traditional values because it's not practical to experience the same
culture
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. On the one hand, a few folks may think that as they are the guests in the host
nation
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, they should be welcomed by accepting the differences in the
culture
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. They may expect the same level of comfort as they were getting in their own countries.
However
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, it might be hard for a foreign
nation
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 to provide similar facilities to them.
Moreover
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, I believe if a person wants to get an identical experience in comparison to their own
country
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, it does not make any sense for them to pay and travel to a different
country
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.
On the other hand
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, some
people
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 prefer going to other countries to learn cultural values. There might be a shift in the perspective of
people
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 living in one
nation
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 as compared to the other.
Moreover
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, several individuals want to explore different festivals that are celebrated and the foods that are common in foreign nations.
For instance
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, Diwali is celebrated all around India, and
people
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 travel from various nations to come and see the celebrations and the fireworks. I believe
this
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 will help a person to understand about the other
country
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 and the traditional values it possesses. In conclusion,
while
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 it feels great to remain in your comfort zone by having the same
culture
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 as your
nation
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 in a foreign, there will not be a learning curve for those
people
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 as they don't get a different perspective.
Submitted by anmols23oct on

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Task Achievement
Try to provide more balanced discussion on both views before stating your opinion to enhance completeness.
Task Achievement
Incorporating a wider range of specific examples to support your points will make your argument more compelling.
Task Achievement
Make sure to clearly state your opinion in the introduction as well as the conclusion for a stronger impact.
Coherence & Cohesion
Use a variety of transitional phrases to enhance the flow between paragraphs and within them.
Coherence & Cohesion
Consider developing paragraphs more evenly. This involves balancing your discussion of each view to ensure both are explored thoroughly.
Coherence & Cohesion
Good logical structure, with clear progression from introduction through to conclusion.
Coherence & Cohesion
You effectively introduced and concluded your essay, providing a sense of closure.
Task Achievement
Your essay demonstrated a good understanding of the topic with a thoughtful stance.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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