IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to cooperate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #sense #competition #children #adults
It is argued that
children
 should be motivated to be competitive,
while
 others feel that teaching them to be more cooperative will be of more
values
Fix the agreement mistake
value
show examples
 as they enter adulthood. I believe that
while
competition
 can help
children
 be successful, cooperation is more important because it teaches them to
work
 within a team,a crucial
life
 skill. Some argue that instilling a sense of
competition
 in
children
 helps them to achieve success in whatever they do.
This
 is because being competitive creates a drive to win, which teaches them that hard
work
 and discipline are the keys to success.
For example
, it is often the case that
children
 who participate in competitive sports are less likely to quit when things are difficult and are,
therefore
, more
likley
Correct your spelling
likely
 to overcome obstacles in their jobs as adults. Despite
this
, I would argue that
children
 require lessons on teamwork more than the will to win. If
children
 are taught to be cooperative,they learn the importance of working in a team,which is something adults are expected to do. Through working with others,
children
 learn not only how to respect different opinions but
also
 how to pool their strengths.
For instance
, preschools include cooperation as one of the first
life
 skills in their curriculum as they recognise that it is a vital social skill in all spheres of
life
. I
therefore
 believe that teaching
children
 to
work
 with others is more important than giving them a sense of
competition
. In conclusion,
while
 instilling a sense of
competition
 in
children
 can help them succeed, I think that teaching
children
 to be more cooperative gives them the ability to
work
 as part of a team, which is far more valuable later in
life
.
Submitted by MS Tha on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and that each subsequent sentence builds upon it to cement your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to create more complex structures and demonstrate higher linguistic capability.
Task Achievement
Your essay responds to the prompt in a balanced way by discussing both sides and providing a personal opinion. To enhance the response, make sure your opinion is clear throughout the essay, not just at the end.
Task Achievement
To score higher, use more developed and extended examples to support your points, ensuring they are specific and precisely illustrate the argument you are making.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: