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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the changes in the maximum number of Asian elephants between 1997 and 2004. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.

The graph below shows the changes in the maximum number of Asian elephants between 1997 and 2004. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.
#changes #asian #elephants #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The graph above illustrates the estimated numbers of Asian elephants population in nine
asian
Change the capitalization
Asian
show examples
 countries from 1997 to 2004. In general, it can be seen that the
mammals
Correct quantifier usage
number of mammals
show examples
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
unfortunately decreased almost in all
region
Fix the agreement mistake
regions
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 during that time period. India and Malaysia were the
country
Change the noun form
countries
show examples
 with
biggest
Correct article usage
the biggest
show examples
 dropped percentage,
while
 Cambodia and Laos showed a positive trend of growth. In 1997, the number of
elephant
Change to a plural noun
elephants
show examples
lived
Wrong verb form
living
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 in India recorded
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
almost 10000 creatures, but the number dropped
more
Change preposition
by more
show examples
 than 25% to less than 7500 in 2004. The same trend can
also
 be seen in Malaysia where previously there
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 almost 3000 in 1997 and decreased
almost
Change preposition
by almost
show examples
 70% with only 1000 by the end of the period. Some good trends can be seen
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the growth of the elephants
live
Wrong verb form
living
show examples
 in Cambodia and
also
Rephrase
apply
show examples
Laos. Even though the growth was not that big, it showed that the mammals were able to live well and reproduce in those two countries.
Submitted by firmanrasyidi on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "numbers of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "growth" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 4 times.
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